It Doesn't Always Get Better

I was so saddened to hear about the shooting of Molly Judith Olgin and Mary Christine Chapa--a teenage gay couple--at Texas Park.  We don't yet know whether this attack was anti-gay or anti-something-else, but oh my gosh, I know what I suspect.  After all, it doesn't always get better, does it?  Still, that's no reason not to give to the "It Gets Better" Project, who I'll plug here because of the great work they do.  Frankly, I believe education is always part of the answer.  And of course, we'll keep being proud of those who come out, whether young or old or in between.

So on the "pride" note, Chicago's Pride Parade reached record numbers this year, and included interfaith coalition included Mormons, Buddhists and Catholics.  Now that really is something to be proud about--congratulations, Chicago!

Oh Jilly

Good old British pulp writer Jilly Cooper (who was one of the reasons I started writing erotica) claims that women in Britain aren't having sex any more, hence the demise of the "bonkbuster." 

Oh Jilly. 

But I still love you.  I do.  You're the best at making fun of very rich English people who play polo.  Yes!

Poised, Like Jellies

As a sex-positive writer, some folks understandably believe that I only write explicit sexual scenes and stories.  Not so!  For instance, I published the following flash fiction about kissing years ago as an audio story.  It was published under a different literary persona.  But here it is for you now...

Poised, like Jellies

The aquarium was free on Friday afternoons and, seeing as they kept it warm, we'd go there after school; and we'd kiss the boys, hiding in the shadows, blotting out the whisperings of sin.  You'd find us pressed against the tanks, melded into corners.  Near the barracuda, the long, slow sharks, the shoaling fish, we'd open our mouths, and sink: wet, lazy as the eels, trying to make an ocean of ourselves. 

But when Tom and I chose the bench by the jellies where the room was dim and the tanks were lit, and the creatures pulsed through creamy light, as boneless as the moon, I'd gently gnaw his neck, just so I could gaze, eyes half-open, at the shapes the jellies made.  And I wished our kisses could learn from those rhythms, the motion of each pulse - but we were hot and clumsy: there was no perfection in us. 

Later that spring, Tom got bored and kissed Leticia near the seals, and she allowed him, unlike me, to feel beneath her skirt; and I heard the news from Trish who'd seen them there together, and, glimpsing my pain, said, "Come on.  You only kissed."  But I returned to the jellies, put my fingers to the glass and craved their pure movement: each slow, drifting puff.  If only, I told myself, I could be so simple - just poised in the moment; just wet, and never dry.

By Lana Fox

The Genderbread Person

This is fantastic!  You can find the original (and bigger) version here.  This comes courtesy of ItsPronouncedMetroSexual.com :

Expressing the Erotic

Please do check out this wonderful blog post by Boston's own Lindsey O'Neill.  I was fortunate enough to work with Lindsey during my one-night seminar Go Deeper, Baby: Writing Meaningful Erotica, which I teach at Grub Street under my other name.  Lindsey is a talented, published writer and yoga instructor and she has blogged about the seminar beautifully.  Thank you, Linsdey!

If you'd like to join me for the next Go Deeper, Baby erotica seminar, you can find the details here (you'll need to scroll down a little). 

Why My Lady Garden is Kinda Fed Up

Photo: Ian Nicholson/PA via the Guardian

The other week, while teaching a most enjoyable roomful of erotic writers, the notion of how to write about our genitals came up.  Well, of course it did.  It's courageous to actually name our vaginas and penises...as Michigan knows too well.  In class, I voiced my preference for directly naming body parts in sex scenes, and we read excerpts from Steve Almond's brilliant essay on How to Write Good Sex Scenes at Nerve.com.  Almond reminds us that euphemisms tend to pull us away from the sexual connection of a scene (and he quotes "flesh kabob" as one of the many metaphors to avoid!).  I agree.  And a term I find all too hilarious?  "Lady garden."  When we talk about "lady gardens" not only does it sound, well, silly, but it also makes us think about gardens, not sex!

But dear heaven, I wish it was easier to call a vagina a vagina, especially when talking about women's bodies, for heaven's sake.  Anyhoo.  Do take a look at this article from the Guardian by Naomi McAuliffe about the politics of calling a vagina a vagina.  An excerpt:

Apparently, when discussing a medical procedure, it's not really appropriate to use medical words. Well not about lady bits anyway. It makes me wonder what euphemisms would be acceptable. "Will the representative get his hand out of the otter's pocket?" "Can the honourable gentleman refrain from trespassing in the lady cave?"

What a great, ironic rant.  My lady garden couldn't agree more.

Erotic Tarot: Manara

Isn't this a fun one, folks?  From the Manara Erotic Tarot deck.  More about the deck here.

It's All About the Design

If you've heard about the new LGBTQ parenting study that many homophobics are jubilant about, treat what you hear with a pinch of salt.  When I studied for my Bachelor of Science Psychology degree in the UK, one of the very first things we were taught was that the design of a study can easily influence its results---only with a good, strong, tested design can we be sure that we are testing what we claim to be testing.  (e.g. Many gay parents may have less social and familial support that heterosexual parents---so what if this is the cause of the study's results?  Easy to assume the parents are at fault, when actually, it's probably society's homophobia).  But the biggest problem with biased studies is when they are carried out by a non-neutral source.  You can find out anything you darn well please if you ignore the rules for designing a study that tests exactly what it claims to be testing.

So yes, do read more here---a super blog post at Media Matters by Carlos Maza.

Depends What You Mean By Healthy

According to Violet Blue, Vogue have vowed to keep their models healthy-looking in terms of size, yet this photo is from Vogue Germany's June issue.  When we say one thing and show another, we do more harm than good.  Do read Violet's post.  It's an important one.

Solo Sex, Please

This morning, Mels van Driel, author of With the Hand: A History of Masturbation, reminds us that solo sex has been shamed for too long.  I'm not sure I agree when van Driel says that everyone masturbates---some people simply don't feel sexual.  It's just how they are.  And I believe them when they express this.  But Mels van Driel writes an insightful and fascinating post.  Here's an excerpt:

"Are there steps that can be taken to prevent people agonizing about masturbation? Yes, simple sex education from parents, whether or not with the support of a booklet or a good internet site, a few lessons at secondary school, and perhaps it would make good sense also in the education of social workers, nurses, doctors and psychologists to have a few lectures on evolutionary biology, since it is clear from that science that masturbation is not only a pleasurable but also a very meaningful activity."

Well worth a read.  Also, those who are interested in my views on the term "masturbation" might enjoy a post I wrote for the Nervous Breakdown a while ago now.

Love yourselves, folks.

Queer Heterosexuals at the Pride Parade

Folks, I have a post up at the Boston Daily!  Also, if you're game, don't forget the Boston Dyke March tonight! 

Subliminal Messages and Beauty Pageants

I ran across an intriguing little site that looks at subliminal messages in advertising.  Sex sells?  Well, we all know it can.  Enjoy.

Also, have you heard about Miss USA supporting trans women?  She gave a short, but wise answer to the question of whether trans women should be allowed to enter the pageant.  Thank you, Miss.  I'm not one for pageants, but I appreciate your kind, fair attitude.  May it spread far.

Kermit and Miss Piggy Get Political

I love the Muppets, especially Miss Piggy.  What's more, I'm discovering that she is both a queer and BDSM icon...and I'm wondering why I didn't think of this before their recent movie!  In this vid, she and Kermit defend themselves against Fox News attacks.  It's well-worth a watch...

Boston: Not Smutty?

Is Boston among the least "smutty" cities in America?  Let me translate that...  Is Boston a place that scores lowly when judged on:  "...the number of DVDs purchased, rented, or streamed (AdultDVDEmpire.com); adult entertainment stores per city (StorErotica.net); rate of porn searches (Google Insights); and the percentage of households who subscribe to a cable channel that shows soft-core porn (SimplyMap)..."?

The above is quoted from Men's Health who used the criteria to tally up which cities were "smuttier" than others -- and yes, in terms of this particular score-card, Boston doesn't score well.  But maybe Bostonians are organized enough to already know their porn websites!  Or perhaps we don't bother with cable soft-core and would rather pick up a copy of our favorite explicit magazine!  Or maybe we're huddled around the erotica section in Barnes and Noble, reading Penthouse Letters, because we're fans of the written word!

As a Psychology grad, I can tell you this:  One of the first things I was taught about statistical data is that such numbers are often biased.  We must always look for that bias, rather than trusting in numbers that have not been thought through.  And where sex is concerned, there is often a lot of "not thinking through."

The Mens' Health article is fun, but let's not make the mistake of thinking it's more than that.  (And isn't it rather wonderful that I'm taking offense at Boston being branded unsmutty?  Ha!).

(Thank you to my dear friend Mr. D for the link).

The Gilded Tarot: Lovers

I love tarot cards.  And visually speaking, the Lovers is often my favourite in the deck.  So here's a beautiful one from the Gilded Tarot to brighten your Saturday. 

Enjoy!

Defense of Marriage Act is Unconstitutional

Good morning, everyone!  Good news...so far.  Here's a quote from this ACLU post by Robyn Shepard:

"The case, Gill v. Office of Personnel Management, was originally filed by GLAD on behalf of several married same-sex couples and widowers in Massachusetts in 2009. In 2010, a federal judge found that DOMA violated the equal protection clause of the Fifth Amendment. Today’s decision upholds that ruling."

Keeping my fingers crossed!