Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Being a Girly Boy Ain't Easy

Photo via HuffPost (which is Logan, hm?)
There's a wonderful post at HuffPost today by Logan Lynn.  Lynn looks at new Harvard research into gender-noncomforming kids, and adds his own voice to the findings. 

A taster?  Here:

"I can't tell you how many times in my life I have heard the argument that people turn gay as a result of being sexually abused as children. As a survivor of extensive early-childhood sexual abuse myself, I have always found this to be the most disturbing of all attempts by others to pathologize and discredit my adult sexuality. This theory basically states that the man who raped me when I was a child has now somehow programmed my sexuality for the rest of my life, that the violence I repeatedly endured as a young boy is now the filter for all the love I have received since, or will ever receive. This is just simply not the case. I rejected this archaic notion long ago, and I am always surprised when otherwise thinking people haven't already done so as well."

You can find Logan online at LoganLynnMusic.com.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Cherry

Kudos to Stephen Elliott (former sex worker and literary genius) and Lorelei Lee (former porn star) for what looks like a fabulous new movie, which was launched at Berlin International Film Festival last week.  I'm excited by the trailer.  It looks like a real, sensitive, ardent film about sex work and its reach.

See what you think.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Stephen Hawking at a Strip Club Near You


Famed physicist Stephen Hawking is apparently a regular at a strip club.  Bravo, that man.  But what's sad, in my humble opinion, is that some people think this is hilarious.  Why?  Because of the way our society views disability, I'll wager...along with the fact that Hawking is a physicist?

Well, regardless, thank heaven for guys like Hawking who break stereotypes by being comfortable in their own skins.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Performing Cosmetic Surgery on Your Daughter's Breasts?

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Okay.  Several things bother me about this story (via HuffPost).  Firstly, I wish more people would teach their families and/or communities that what makes us beautiful isn't the straightness of our noses or the size in our breasts?  Once our sense of self-worth is dependent on the surgeon's knife, it becomes harder to realise that true beauty is inside of us.  Secondly, cutting your own daughter up?  Around her breasts?  To make her "look better"?  It's like a Frankenstein story that "keeps it in the family."  

Not that I'm against plastic surgery per se.  In fact, I have several friends who would love it if they could afford breast reduction because of physical discomfort and social stress.  But getting things straightened out just to "make yourself more beautiful in society's eyes" is a totally different subject.

And how sad that this father praises his daughters' beauty when he was the one who "crafted" it.  Egocentric and sexist, in my opinion.  But what do you think?

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Mollena Williams, Emotionally Naked

Thank you to gorgeous A for sending me the video below.  Filmed by and starring Mollena Williams, the vid portrays an ardent love-letter, if you will, or passion-letter, perhaps.  It's quite a privilege to watch.  To give you some context on Mollena, she is a passionate sex educator who, among other things, teaches about service relationships at Kink Academy.  Enjoy:


Something Interesting. from Mollena Williams on Vimeo.



And for those who are mad about Mollena (who wouldn't be?), she will be (in her own words) "bringing kink and leather to the ivies once again" at Harvard Sex Week, which runs March 25th to 28th.  I can't wait.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Your Head on a Porn Star's Body?



Just one Facebook photo and there you are, starkers, on a porn site.  Well, part of the pic is you, at any rate, but who's to know the body is borrowed?

Intrigued?  See my column today at Boston Magazine's Boston Daily


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Rick Santorum: A Fairy Tale Gone Wrong

Well, he looks kinda undecided here, no?


Well, this is interesting.  According to Jezebel and HuffPost, Rick Santorum was pro-choice once.  This I did not know.  It's like some kind of dark fairy tale, isn't it?  Transformation...for the worst.  Everyone turns into a pumpkin, and that's it.  Done.

At least we get to snark some more.  I love snarking about Santorum.  Oh yes.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Hiring Boston Sex Workers: A Gamble?

Once again, the old tug-of-war between sexual trafficking/explotation and prostitution rears its head.  After all, the two are whole worlds apart.  Now, in Boston, new laws will charge the clients as well as the prostitutes, and while it's certainly great that we're looking out for victims of sexual exploitation, many Boston sex workers freely choose their trade and see it as a therapeutic and creative contribution to society.

From a Boston Herald article:  'But one high-priced online hooker said she’s no victim — and she doesn’t know any women who are.

“If you are an escort, you go into it of your own free will,” she said. “Absolutely no one is forced into doing this. You don’t have to be affiliated with any agency. I’m not forced to do anything I don’t want.”

What’s more, the new law’s focus on johns, she said, will hurt her lucrative-though-lawless trade.'

I believe need to really think about the difference between trafficking and sex work, without taking the easy way out.  Read more about this at the Herald online.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Violet Blue at Gnomedex

While researching a potential Boston Magazine post for this week, I rewatched Violet Blue's wonderful talk at Gnomedex in 2010, and was so stirred and impassioned that I thought I'd re-post it.  It's been a while, after all.



Video streaming by Ustream

Monday, February 20, 2012

Sexy Stewardesses Ain't In it for the Sex

According to HuffPost, the UK Advertising Standards Authority have banned some recent Ryan Air ads for giving the wrong message about the company's cabin crew.  Well, I know this might seem petty to some, but I can appreciate their reasoning.  I should imagine that the "hot, sexy air hostess" image, which permeates porn and fantasy-land, gives the cabin crew enough trouble as it is.

Well, the Ryan Air employee who filed the petition says, "I'm a member of an airline Cabin Crew and what's more I love my job. My work colleagues, many of whom are male, work hard with me to ensure the safety of our passengers. Safety is our number one priority, not the brand of our underwear."

Yes.  But I actually think there's more to it.  Sadly, we live in a world where many people assume:

1. That if you're sexy, you also don't have much of a brain, especially if you are a woman.
2. That if you're portrayed as sexually available, you can't be relied upon, especially if you are a woman.
3. That if an advert suggests that a company's employees are sexually available, this means they are, especially if they are a woman.
4. That if it says "sexy" on the tin, you'll find "sexy" in the contents.

So, yes.  We live in a crazy world and we can't expect to change this overnight.  So I think these are very good reasons to ban the Ryan Air adverts.  In fact, I'm thrilled that the British Advertising Standards Authority have actually done so for reasons other than the ads just being too darn hot.

So that's my five cents.  But what do you think?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

When the Manners Bear Goes Grrrr

Thanks to RG and Feministing for this crazy vid.  I warn you.  If you think porn is NSFW, you ain't seen nothing yet...



Now apart from the obvious (you know I loathe this abstinence thing, right? And a bear?  Really?  There's a bear?), if you do ever turn someone down on their doorstep, I know that you, dear reader, will have the heart to be courteous about it, unlike this young tyke.  I mean, "No, you'll have to wait, this doesn't feel right," is just about the rudest turn-down.  Isn't there a Manners Bear out there?  One that pops up and says, "I know bad manners are cuddly.  But you'll just have to be polite..."? 

Also, would someone please define, "This doesn't feel right..."?  In the boxers?  In the heart?  In the "Dad'll be furious" cells?  If any tykes out there wish to wait on the sex-front, please do explain yourself to the one you're turning down.  That whole "Treat your neighbor as you'd treat yourself," thing isn't just about offering everyone a slice of Victoria sponge. 

And I, for one, don't think the Purity Bear looks cuddly at all.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Fan Grabs the President's Butt?

But did she really?  I mean, if you click this link and look at the full-size photo at HuffPost, I'd say her hand is in the small of his back.  Still quite a brazen gesture, right?  But them I'm a flustered Brit.

Speaking of which, I once almost backed into the Queen at a prize-giving ceremony at Buckingham Palace.  You do not back into the Queen.  And you certainly don't place a hand anywhere near Her Majesty, especially where her rear is concerned.  You'd probably get thrown in a dungeon for that.  And handcuffed maybe.  Hmm...

Also, I don't think the Queen should wear those trailing gowns while I'm handling a wineglass in the same darn room.

One of my life's regrets?  Once, when I was at uni, taking part in a production of Twelfth Night, I slapped the producer's butt, just for a giggle.  No really.  And then, as soon as I'd done so, I was terribly embarrassed.  He thought it was hilarious and seemed flattered, thank god.  But it's a mark of gender inequality that a woman doing this to a man is more acceptable than a man doing it to a woman, right?  (And interestingly, Twelfth Night, one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, is all about playing with gender).

Lana Fox.  You bum-slapping hound.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Follow the Signs Like Alice


I want to let you know that I have started a new blog entitled, "Follow the Signs Like Alice," in which I take a spiritual journey into sexuality and intuition.  Who knows where this will lead?  Anyhoo, if spirituality, sex and gender are of interest to you, do take a look.

Tea Party Rape

Right!  Two quick things to announce:

Firstly, a bleak fact.  We need to stop legislation that "makes it mandatory for women who are seeking an abortion, either from rape, molestation or accidental pregnancy, to be forced against their will to have a probe inserted into their vagina by medical professionals. Unwilllful penetration by an object is rape! Stop this tea party rape law! Stop it before it passes the senate!"  (By Shasta Baum at Change.org, who are looking for signatures -- go support!).  I couldn't agree more.  And I will add, just as an aside, that women raping women (which is quite rightly mentioned in this write-up) is a very real and violent issue.  We mustn't yield to stereotypes and believe that the rapist is always man and the victim is always woman.  For one thing, it can make anyone who has been raped by a woman feel like their trauma is invisible and unspeakable.

Secondly, a lighter announcement.  I am the new 2012 Nonfiction Fellow at the Writers' Room of Boston.  This means a wonderful new community and an amazing, peaceful, supportive workspace right in the middle of Boston.  I am flushed with pride.  (And if you fancy a workspace in Boston where you can write in peace, the fees are far more reasonable than you might think).

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Dark, Honest & Very Much OK

Right, folks.  Two things.  Firstly, as my friend Errika recently pointed out, my fiction is now on an iPod app.  Heaven knows what that means, but it sounds good to me.  Do check it out.  It looks kinda fancy.

And a quote for you today.  Why?  Because it's about being sexually honest.  Too often, we are told that we shouldn't show risky sex in writing.  That showing the dark is unhealthy, especially if it arouses.  But as a person who has known darkness (and who among us hasn't?) I can safely say that there have been times when I have felt hollowly alone...until I have read of a darkness similar to my fears or experiences, and feel embraced by it, and not lonely any more, and able to move on.  So here.  A quote from Stephen Elliot's introduction to his story collection, "My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up."  (It's a super collection, by the way):

"...I take responsibility for these stories, for every sexual act depicted, many of which occurred when I was younger, before I made the effort to acquire the information I needed.  I acquired scars instead.  This is not a memoir, but it's damn close.  And I'm OK with that.  And I'm OK with you knowing that."

Yes.  Oh yes, yes, yes.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Why Relationship Advice is a Mixed Bag



I have a new post at Boston Magazine today.  Hope you enjoy it!


Dating & Sex Work: One Hot Mess?

Via TitsandSass.com


Thanks to Tits and Sass for SuzyHooker's wonderful story, which shows how personal dating and sex work can absolutely go hand in hand.  It's a beautiful read, folks.  A great insight into the powers of honest connection.  Enjoy.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I'm Sending Porn a Valentine

Well, why not?  I'm all for the hearts and birds of paradise, but I also love the sexual diamonds of the world who express the body's poetry with sexual candour.  And as the right wing politicians pledge to ban porn, I find myself watching a beautiful trailer for Public Sex, Private Lives -- a forthcoming documentary that looks at the beauteous work of sex workers and pro-dommes:


'Public Sex, Private Lives' documentary film trailer from Simone Jude on Vimeo.

What a powerful, feminist reminder that consensual porn and public sex are so often utterly human and inspiring.  There's a lot of fair-trade, high quality porn out there (if you like queer porn, try Crashpad, for instance) and today, I'm sending the porn world a valentine.

Regular readers may already have read last year's article in Scientific American, "The Sunny Side of Smut", which reveals recent studies of porn-viewing men.  Porn does not make us aggressive human beings.  Rather, it taps our erotic creativity, teaches us to listen to our fantasies and liberates us to be ourselves with others.

And I'd like to see how the anti-porn candidates intend to define porn in order to ban it.  Will they be marching into people's houses seizing their videos of last night's romp?  "I know it when I see it," isn't exactly unbiased!  Technically speaking, trying to ban on-screen sex is like trying to ban on-screen crime*.  What is crime and what isn't crime?  Pick-pocketing a dollar?  Jay-walking? 

So.  Happy Valentine's day to fair-trade porn and erotica.

I love you.  Be yourself.

Video via tinynibbles 

*This is simply a way of showing how difficult banning anything creative is.  I'm not suggesting in any way that sex on-screen is a crime!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Happy Go Fuck Yourself Day

Iryna Stevens (Jim)
via Wikimedia Commons

Today is Go Fuck Yourself Day.  Yes!  Just ask my dear friend KL Pereira who first suggested we celebrate the event, and named it with gusto and insight. 

For those who don't already know, Go Fuck Yourself Day is when we make time to be grateful for our solo sex lives, regardless of whether we are partnered or solo.  I mean, just imagine if we'd never grown fingers, hm?  Or if vibrators and hot films had never been created?

But they were.  Thank god.

So enjoy!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

No Magic Formula

photo from TPM
Conservatives are being taught how to get like-minded dates, apparently, but the advice in the article at TPM feels rather trite and gendered to me.  And you know what also saddens me?  The assumption that there is a "right way" to get with the "right people."

My five cents?  What we really need is to love one another and learn to share that love.  Dating advisers who say, ”How do you make them feel comfortable? You talk about your weaknesses,” are way too simplistic in my mind.  We might make someone feel comfortable by tuning into them, caring how they feel, trying to be ourselves, listening as well as talking...  There are a zillion ways because there are a zillion human beings.

Oh, at least!

(Link via tinynibbles).

Friday, February 10, 2012

Shit They Say

You mean, you have...SEX?

Thanks to Cameryn Moore for introducing me to this Tumblr site, Shit They Say to Sex Workers.  Take a look.  It's evidence of our society's ceaselessly strange attitudes, that's for sure.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Call for Submissions: Juxtapoz

Illustration by Zoe Lacchei (Juxtapoz)


Are you an erotic artist?  Well, just thought I'd let you know that Juxtapoz has a call for erotic submissions, and wow, as you can see, these guys know the meaning of the word "erotic."

Hands Up! Who Wants Sex Education?

New sexuality education standards are here, in America!  Will they be endorsed?  Not by everyone, of course, but I think they will make a difference.  In New Jersey Newsroom, Susie Wilson writes:

"For the first time ever, educators, local and state board members, and parents have a set of uniform, national sexuality education standards to measure the content of their schools’ programs: The National Sexuality Education Standards. Its goal is 'to provide clear, consistent, and straightforward guidance on the essential minimum, core content for sexuality education that is age-appropriate for students in grades K–12.'"

Meanwhile, folks are getting upset about vending machines that distribute Plan B.  What's the likelihood  that these protestors will also be against the new sex education standards, which teach about contraception?  If I had the money to bet, I'd make a killing.

Sheesh.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Single and Celebrating Valentine's Day?



Couples aren't the only ones who can celebrate Feb 14th!  Read my column at Boston Magazine for the full scoop...


Monday, February 6, 2012

Fifi Fatale: Dark Burlesque

Just a taster of Fifi Fatale.  I came across the video and couldn't resist sharing.  Isn't she amazing?  Enjoy!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Foxtrology: Cancer

Sexual astrological profile for Cancer (June 21st - July 22*):

Cancer, the sign of the loyal crab, is a particular favorite of mine.

Cancerians are sensitive but well-protected, capable of both sympathy and toughness, and as such can be truly loving partners with an enticing sensuality.  As a water sign, Cancer possesses great potential for emotional resonance and these lovers are often unafraid of expressing tenderness and passion.  Cancer's sensitivity can permeate her/his/hir physical make-up too, so every little touch or kiss is felt... especially around the breasts and stomach, which are usually central erogenous zones.  There's often a sexual intelligence here that makes for sparky sexual politics and a wish to understand the breadth of human sexuality.  If you enjoy witty banter, these crabs are playful, clever, and partial to irony, (the crab steps sideways, right?), so get ready for some intelligent flirtation.  And don't worry if shy Cancerians are sometimes moody or hard to read -- this is an essential part of the protective shell that keeps these sensitive individuals strong and safe.  Once you've a bond, they'll confide and trust, and they'll encourage the same from you.

My rising sign is Cancer.  Of this, I am proud.

Enjoy those depths, Cancer!  And remember...your astrological chart is a mix of all sorts of aspects (including your Moon sign and your Rising sign, to name but a couple).  So if you are a Cancer and any of the above doesn't sound like you, then it probably isn't!  This is a just a generalization.  

Note:  *unless you were born outside of the USA, in which case, google!

Sex Work at the Superbowl

Anne Gray Fischer has published a highly astute and important article at Flood Magazine on sex work at the Superbowl.  Here's a taster:

"In the warped morality of American law enforcement, prostitutes are both the predators and the prey, a Victorian binary that obscures the routine arrests and abuses of women, and makes the public conveniently malleable for enterprising politicians looking to score a few points of their own on Super Bowl weekend."

Once again, women are being punished as if they alone are the moral guardians of sex, while those who are being exploited, rather than freely doing business, seem to be as ignored by the law as your everyday john. 

Frightening stuff.

I wonder what would happen if there was suddenly zero prostitution at the Superbowl?  I expect these sex workers perform a valuable social function -- one that releases tension in powerful ways.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Sex By Bike

Pic from Time Out
Boston is no stranger to sexiness and bicycles.  After all, we partake in the World Naked Bike Ride -- an annual protest against the car, in support of bikers everywhere.  But I admit I'm jealous of those in San Francisco who can now have their sex toys delivered from Babeland, within an hour of ordering them, thanks to folks on speedy bikes.  (Via tinynibbles).

Now, if that isn't a great Valentine's gift for a solo sexual lover, be they partnered or not, I don't know what is.  (Yes, you can buy sex-toys for friends on Valentine's Day.  You have my permission.  Go, go!).

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Condom Isn't Always the Porn Star's Friend

Should the rest of us follow Los Angeles by making condoms in porn compulsory? Well, flip me, it's a sticky debate.

Take Steve Hirsh, for instance.  As Founder and Co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment -- one of America's leading porn producers -- Hirsh reveals Vivid might take their thousands of jobs away from LA.  "If we leave the state, those dollars and the tax dollars will go along with us," says Hirsh, in a discussion with Susannah Breslin at Forbes.  And though Massachusetts may not be a huge producer of porn, many might welcome their jobs, especially given their policy of individual choice:  "We believe in letting the performers make the choice," explains Hirsh, adding that proof of a negative HIV test every 30 days is mandatory for Vivid performers.  He also reminds us that professional porn is suffering.  With free porn (which is often unregulated) and piracy on the rise, do we really want to punish the guys who treat their performers with dignity?

But there are more serious criticisms of the ruling.  Journalist Damon Brown, author of Porn & Pong: How Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider and Other Sexy Games Changed Our Culture says that porn functions on societal taboos.  In other words, making condoms compulsory can cause the popularity of condom-free porn to rocket.  Plus porn star Stoya tells Susannah Breslin that LA regulations could distract from the importance of STI testing.  "Condoms break," she says, simply.

And she's right.

So what happens when a porn star gets an STI because the condom tore and STI tests are not longer a focus? Whose fault is that, exactly?

See?  Sticky.

That said, there are some powerful reasons for encouraging condoms on-screen.  For example, porn stars can be role-models for passion, and if our role-models don't ever use condoms, how will we learn that barrier contraception can still make for hot sex?  After all, modeling condom use does the world a service.  So might there be a happy medium in terms of legislation?  What if we looked into ways of enforcing the performer's right to choose?  This wouldn't punish the companies that are offering fair choice, but it would help to shield individuals from pressure.

In any case, given that enforcing the legislation will surely cost big bucks, wouldn't we do well to save that money, and use it to provide sex education and more free condoms for all who need them?  Boston College student Erin Dromgoole, for instance, criticizes her college explaining that they provide STI testing (at "a steep cost of upwards to $170 in some instances,") yet refuse to stock contraception that would "prevent a sexually active student from becoming infected in the first place."  Yes, Erin, I agree.  Supporting access to safe contraception should be a primary concern, especially considering how broke many students are.

While I applaud Los Angeles for thinking of their porn stars, I find their ruling to be too simplistic.  As a resident of Massachusetts, I for one would welcome reputable porn companies who support contraceptive choice.  And wouldn't it be better to punish those who force their performers into unsafe sex?

Those are the bad guys.  Let's slam 'em.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Fetus, Anyone?


Considered eating a fetus recently?  Many thanks to EK for the link to this surreal story in Jezebel.

Note:  Could this legislator please start worrying about the living?