Why My Lady Garden is Kinda Fed Up

Photo: Ian Nicholson/PA via the Guardian

The other week, while teaching a most enjoyable roomful of erotic writers, the notion of how to write about our genitals came up.  Well, of course it did.  It's courageous to actually name our vaginas and penises...as Michigan knows too well.  In class, I voiced my preference for directly naming body parts in sex scenes, and we read excerpts from Steve Almond's brilliant essay on How to Write Good Sex Scenes at Nerve.com.  Almond reminds us that euphemisms tend to pull us away from the sexual connection of a scene (and he quotes "flesh kabob" as one of the many metaphors to avoid!).  I agree.  And a term I find all too hilarious?  "Lady garden."  When we talk about "lady gardens" not only does it sound, well, silly, but it also makes us think about gardens, not sex!

But dear heaven, I wish it was easier to call a vagina a vagina, especially when talking about women's bodies, for heaven's sake.  Anyhoo.  Do take a look at this article from the Guardian by Naomi McAuliffe about the politics of calling a vagina a vagina.  An excerpt:

Apparently, when discussing a medical procedure, it's not really appropriate to use medical words. Well not about lady bits anyway. It makes me wonder what euphemisms would be acceptable. "Will the representative get his hand out of the otter's pocket?" "Can the honourable gentleman refrain from trespassing in the lady cave?"

What a great, ironic rant.  My lady garden couldn't agree more.