Happy New Year from Miss Piggy and Moi

Is Miss Piggy the sexiest Muppet?  Very possibly.  Anyhow, the UK mobile phone network provider, Orange, have a new advert out, and it stars the Muppets.  So here are a few giggles to wish you a Happy New Year.  May 2012 be a corker, my friends.

Sexual Sleight of Hand

Tonight, I was having dinner on my ownsome, while a couple at the next table (man and woman) were discussing their relationship.  We were at close quarters and, as I read my Kindle, I couldn't help hearing snippets of their conversation.  They were talking about how hard it is to have a relationship.  The negotiations, the hopes and dreams, the problems we cause one another without even realizing. 

About half-an-hour in, when I was polishing off my glass of red, the guy turned to me and asked me how I liked my Kindle.  I told him I loved it -- not least because of the magic ink.  "Magic ink?" he said.  His eyes had lit up.

The woman moaned.  "Don't say the word 'magic'," she told me, dryly, "he'll never shut up -- he's a magician."

I told them both that my father was a magician, when he was alive -- though unlike this guy, Dad wasn't a member of the Magic Circle.  He was all about kids' parties, in his spare time.  "He taught me sleight of hand," I told the couple, "but I've forgotten it now, I'm sad to say."

Well, the guy, being a pro, and an enthusiastic one at that, decided to teach me afresh.  And oh my gosh, he was a genius at it.  He fingered that coin with such a smooth dexterity that I couldn't help thinking his partner was a lucky girl.  (I know, I know, sex on the brain!).  Anyhoo, he passed me a pound coin and let me try.  "You have perfect hands for magic," he told me, commenting on my long fingers.

And just then, I was reminded of a story I published a long time ago, under a different name.  In it, a magician has a hot affair with his partner, showering her in imaginary flowers, moths and glitter, until she realizes he is addicted and has to help him quit.  It was a sad story, but a hot one, I think.  And the magic made a perfect metaphor for stellar sex -- the stuff that really affects us.

So there you are.  I have perfect hands for magic.  And my sleight of hand lives on.... ;)

By the way, I'll be back in America tomorrow afternoon.  Watch out US of A!

Wet Sex the British Way?

I'm a fan of any kind of sex scene that takes place in the water.  A warm bath, a jacuzzi, a tropical downpour, a waterfall...oh, and if there are suds, so much the better.  Suds on skin suggest such tactile slickness, not to mention a kind of gliding heaven.  But here I am, during the last couple of days of my UK trip, and water is suddenly feeling less attractive.  Why?  Because, dear god, Britain has enough of it.  Honestly, I walked out into clear sunlight this morning, and within twenty minutes the rain was tipping down.  Back when I lived here, how did I ever cope with this endless, grey drizzle?

But this is a good reason to return to the US and promptly have sex in the bathroom.  By the way, those of you who feel the same about sex in watery places might like to check out Liquid Silk -- a waterproof lube.  I admit, a lube that works for one isn't always necessarily right for another, but this stuff is voluptuous and waterproof too...so you stay, you know, slippery, regardless of when or where you apply the stuff.  (If you've never used lubricant skin on skin, my dear, you've never lived).

Right.  Back out into the British rain.  And my clothes are staying on.

Orgasmic at Audible

Narrated by the super-talented Lucy Malone, Orgasmic is now available at Audible.com!  And guess what.  My story, Frosting First, which was the first piece I ever wrote for Cleis, has been used as the free sample.  No, really.  And it's never sounded so good.  If you're intrigued, you can check it out here (look for the tiny green button that says "sample" beneath the image of the cover).  And with a voice as hot as Lucy's, I can't think why you wouldn't...

Oh audio erotica!  How I do love you.

Apple, British Swearing & Genteel Gents

Apparently, Apple have refused a Modern Toss "Periodic Table of Swearing" app.  For those who don't know Modern Toss, please, please look them up.  I believe the "Periodic Table..." (see below, and view a more readable version here) was their first creation, and the app looks fun, but is Apple being prudish (which seems likely, given their rep), or is there another reason why they refused Modern Toss?

And yes, everyone here swears a lot.  But I'm reminded, as I traipse my way around Cambridge, that everyone also says "Thank you" a ridiculous amount and also "Sorry" and "Are you okay?"  Delightful.  Yesterday, in fact, while traveling by train, two random gents offered to help me shove my suitcase onto the overhead rack without my having to do much at all.  Gallant, no? 

Cussing, genteel Brits.  Am I one of those too?  Am I bollocks.

O'Keefe: Beauty

I'm exhausted, but here's a beauty by Georgia O'Keefe.  I could gaze at it all night.  Flowers and sex...natural bed partners.

More tomorrow.  Sleep tight (note the jet lag!).

Let's Do It

This evening, I've been researching porn addiction for an article, and as you can imagine, it got pretty depressing.  Then, what should leap onto the TV screen but Victoria Wood playing "The Ballad of Barry and Frieda", and I remembered how darn fun and darn funny sex can be.  And that did me good.  So here's the vid, for you.  By the way, Wood is one of my comedy heroes...

Sex on the Table at Betty's

I would like to have sex at Betty's of Harrogate.  Why?  Because Betty's is the tearoom to end all Brit tearooms.  The cakes are divine (vanilla slices, ohmygod), the tea is strong, there are teapots and strainers and adorable cups, and everyone is just so sweetly polite, especially the ones in maid costumes.  The serving staff, indeed, are delightfully ruddy-cheeked, healthy as the morning blooms, and oh, their service!  Exquisite.

Before going to Betty's, this week, I hadn't seen a doily for years.

So why do I want sex there?  Folks, I just long to be slammed down by a lover (or slam them down...either way...) right onto all that dainty crockery and make a real mess.  You know.  Vanilla custard smeared everywhere, an upturned teapot spreading a dark stain, the shocked looks of the fellow customers.  Oh, what fun!

But would I?  Of course not.  Fantasy and reality aren't always meant to meet.  The reason wild sexual fantasies often exist, of course, is because we need to do something with all those suppressed, rebellious desires that we -- quite rightly -- keep in check so that others aren't offended or hurt.

An erotic story, however?  Well, certainly.  I'm brewing one up, as we speak... ;)

Happy Xmas from the Hardcore in the Corner

Happy Day!  And thank you, thank you, thank you for reading What the Fox? this year.  Honestly, I feel far less alone in the world because of you, dear readers.  May your festive season be as glowing as possible...and why not have hot sex (solo or otherwise) to celebrate?  This evening, you can truly make this a Happy XXXmas!  (I promise, that's the last pun in this post.  Snort).

By the way, don't miss out on Violet Blue's FREE Fetish Sex book, which costs $0 for TODAY ONLY!  Visit tinynibbles.com (who wouldn't?  you even get to see hot babes in Santa hats!) and download your copy before Xmas Day is over.  This book promises to be awesome.  Apparently Violet uses erotica by Thomas Roche within its pages to show us fetishes in action -- what a fabulous idea.

Hilarity, by the by.  I have been reading tinynibbles in a hotel bar with lots of elderly folks sitting around watching a re-run of the Queen's speech.  They are all drinking tea, while I'm on the Baileys -- I promise my screen is entirely hidden.  Honestly, I really am the hardcore in the corner!  And yes, I have been clicking on Violet's kinky links.  That said, I'll add that the Queen, God love 'er, is currently telling us that family isn't just about blood relatives.  And she's right.  Frankly, through this blog and my identity as Lana, I have met some of the best friends and loved ones this world can offer.  Sexuality isn't just about the people we screw and make love with.  It is also about found family -- those we trust enough to be natural and open with, and to share in who we really are.

So thank you, thank you, for being there.  And much love.

Carry On

Punctuation is Sexy

What a horrendous day.  A nightmare.  Consider me emotionally beaten to a pulp!  And there's more tomorrow.  But that's what Christmas is, right?  People you're related to throwing punches.  Great.  (But wasn't there some message about good will, a long time ago...?).

That said, last night, I had the pleasure of watching a load of sexist tripe from my childhood, in the form of Carry On Up the Khyber.  Carry On films, embarrassingly, still make me laugh.  These films are British, hailing from the 1960's and 70's, and they are all about sexual repression and the characters that subvert it.  Rather like Are You Being Served?, Carry On's must be watched with your eyes half closed, if you aim to be P.C....but they did play an important role in sexual rebellion, and they're whacky -- oh so whacky -- and for that, I doff my hat.

Anyway, Happy Happy Tomorrow, and remember...if anyone treats you badly, imagine how they'd look in a seventies' porn flick.  

Right.  I now need a glass of wine.  And a new sex toy.

Many thanks to a stellar friend for sending me the Comma Sutra (left), perhaps in an attempt to help me carry on!

Kiss!

Photograph: MC2 JOSHUA MANN/AFP/Getty Images

Have you seen this kiss between partners Marissa Gaeta (left) and fellow US naval officer Citlalic Snell, when they were reunited?  One of the most romantic photos ever!  Read more about this kiss and why it's so important for our culture, here, in the Guardian.

By the way, Britain is rainy, and the beer is room temperature (perfect!). 

Brash

These updates are slow, folks, because my internet access is dodgy this week.  But bear with me because the UK offers much rough material for sex-positives.  For instance, yesterday, while sitting in the quaintest tea shop with a relative we'll call You-Know-Who, I swallowed my longing to swear loudly just for the hell of it, and said, "What a lovely place this is."

Pouring her tea, You-Know-Who didn't look up.  "Well, you couldn't call it brash," she said, with a sneer.

"No," I told her. 

But inside I was reflecting on the word "brash" and how it wouldn't exist without snobbery.  Thus, in true 2011 style, I've decided to reclaim the word.

So fear not, I'll continue being brash.  Brazenly brash, when I'm up to it.

And if you're never brash yourself, no worries.  I can be it for you.

Loving British Swearing

Tonight, in the pub, I heard "foxtrot oscar" used as a euphemism for "fuck off."  Genius.

The pic on the left is from Modern Toss.  I so dig the F-word when it's used well.

The Hot Topic, vol. 14: The Great Vibrating Duck Revolution of 2012

A quick note, before I pass out from jet lag, to let you know that my last ever Hot Topic column is up at the Nervous Breakdown. 

You might laugh.  You might cry.  You'll definitely vibrate.

Britain: Land of Warm Rubber

Well, my friends, I am in the UK until New Year's Eve, and seeing as Britain is meant to be the land of S&M, sexual repression, and people prancing around with swords, I thought it might be fun to update you on my sexual musings while I'm here.

But how on earth did I ever have sex of any type in this country?  Seriously.  Even a fur-lined vibrator couldn't make up for the cold, damp greyness.  Horrible.  No wonder I brought my hot water bottle.  (No, seriously!  We Brits love our warm rubber...).

Hey, sudden thought:  Maybe Britain is the land of S&M because a good flogging can't help but heat up both the flogger and floggee?  On the other hand, maybe I'm just jet-lagged and losing my mind...

Keep calm and flog on.

Porn Addiction in the New York Times

Feeling addicted to porn is a very real problem for many, but even so, reading this article often gave me the shivers.  It's the way porn viewing is talked about in the piece, as if it is more a sin, or an "incorrect intimacy," than an addiction.  In my experience, it is so much harder to give up an addiction when you feel like you are a bad person for relying on it, rather than simply accepting that your addictive behavior is harmful, which is why you are trying to tackle it.  Learning to say, "This is not an evil thing in itself, it is simply a thing that I am addicted to and I am learning to give up," is surely a more loving, tolerant and psychologically helpful outlook? 

By the by, I would never, ever ask a lover to give up looking at porn, unless it became destructive.  And anyway, can't we watch it with our partners too? 

I mean, why wouldn't I want to know what inspired my lover?  Frankly, that's a privilege.

Do You Believe in the Santa Vamp?

This is not me, sadly.

Tonight, I was the Santa Vamp at my housemates' Haunted Christmas party.  This involved wearing a corset and a Santa hat, talking almost incessantly about sex (I try to avoid this, but what is a girl to do?), and then sitting downstairs in front of the "log fire TV channel" (which even plays music, no less) for a discussion of my cleavage.

Marvelous.  And I even mulled.

When it All Turns to Shit: Jessica Rabbit

Okay, I'm sharing a personal moment with you, folks.  You know when hormones cause you a certain kind of hell?  My Brit friends and I used to call this the "Anti-Midas Touch" because you can't see anything you've touched that hasn't turned to shit.  Yeah, that's yours truly, right now.  It hit me like a brick. So I decided to turn to Jessica Rabbit (from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) to try and make myself feel better.  And she helped.  

Enjoy.

Superhero Breast Exams

Holy smoke, this is brilliant!  On the left, you'll see one superhero breast exam pic -- there are four in the series.  Taken from a post by Violet Blue at TinyNibbles: "Advertising firm DDB Maputo was commissioned to create the superheroine-themed self-screening images. Illustrated by Maísa Chaves, the work is most likely not officially licensed by Marvel or DC Comics, who own the characters depicted..."

Wow, this is perfect.  I admit, I myself am often scared of checking my own breasts, but I still do it, and I feel better knowing that superheroes do too. 

But seriously, fabulous use of role models, folks.  Bravo all round, including to Mozambique Fashion Week which promotes the project.

And will Marvel or DC Comics be miffed?  Hmm.  We'll have to watch this space.

The Wrong Call on Plan B

When our politicians stop young women from buying Plan B, they ruin whole lives and even end up punishing those who have suffered deep trauma. I mean, for the love of dog, does emergency mean nothing to them?

Seethe, seethe.

I've posted, guys.  And I'm angry.

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Fox Gets Philosophical (Beware!)

I've been thinking a lot, recently, about our relationship with technology.  I remember Violet Blue saying, once, (in a speech I now cannot find), that if we were so worried about people secretly photographing us and getting off to the images, how would we feel about that same person memorizing us and getting off to the images?  After all, we can't control for that so much.  And is there any difference?

I think that's a vital point, but I will add this:  It is often the specificity of porn that makes it so effective.  The oiled skin, the slope of a thigh -- when viewers watch legal internet porn, these actual details, in some ways, belong to them.  Furthermore, if you put a naked photo of yourself on Fleshbot and decide, two days later, to take it down, it's already out in the ether.  It isn't just "yours" any more and it's hard to do much about that.  At the least, it's probably on someone's hard drive or iPhone or photo library.

Anyway, what prompted these thoughts was a recent article in Boston Magazine (print) about Joseph Rizzo III's new invention: glasses for those who are blind or have difficulty seeing: "A camera embedded in the glasses captures and sends images to a small GPS-enabled processor, which identifies objects and people and 'reads' signs..."  And that's just for starters.  (Find more in Boston Magazine's December edition).

Awesome, right?

So what does this story have to do with sex?  Well, I'm pondering, really.  But if machines can become part of how we process what we see and hear, are they a part of our sexual identity?  And, if so, are they becoming a part of our sexual selves?

Tattoo Story

Ira Chernova - model & photographer

The other day, I was chatting with some friends about my tattoo -- that is, the tattoo that I might get if I ever settle on an image.  We were agreeing that the pics with which we choose to mark our bodies are a story in themselves, and if, for instance, we choose a name (e.g. a lover) we must be ready for our story to change while the art remains a part of us.  Future lovers may well touch and kiss the name of a past flame, and I can only imagine that complexity.

Anyway, tattoos.  Profound and hot as heck.  I mean, take a look at Ira Chernova.  Holy smoke.  (Those photos of hers are self-portraits, by the way.  Impressive, hm?).

Lost for Words

I believe that the words we use when we talk about erotic love and sex are very revealing.  (In fact, recently, I wrote about the art of erotic writing, here, at Boston Magazine).  I've just been listening to this week's In Bed with Susie Bright (episode 540) in which Susie shared a beautiful column that looks at the words for sex and love that have been considered difficult to translate into English.  Entitled "A Thanksgiving for Susie", the piece is by Geoffrey Pullum and becomes nothing short of profound as it grows more intimate.  I highly recommend it.  Here's an excerpt:

"Koi no yokan is reportedly a Japanese phrase for the sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love; ya’aburnee in Arabic literally means “You bury me” but is used to declare the hope that you’ll die before someone because it would be so difficult to live without them. Forelsket is claimed to be Norwegian for euphoria experienced when first falling in love, and saudade, Portuguese for a longing for a lost love..."  Geoffrey Pullum, "A Thanksgiving for Susie"

Beautiful.

You bury me, dear readers.  Take care.

A Hot, New Short Vid from Smitten Kitten (Adult, NSFW)

If I ever get to Minneapolis, you will find me in Smitten Kitten, which is wildly touted by many who know what they're talking about, as one of the most progressive and sex-positive sex stores ever.  They run educational videos on their site and sell beautiful products.  And as you'll see below, they know what the word "hot" means...  (It's not explicit or graphic, but it's sexy.  Not safe for work, unless you work in a sexually open atmosphere).

When Nic Sheff Went Gay for Pay

Going into sex work doesn't have to be all about the money.  In fact, when Nic Sheff went gay for pay...he got a lot more than cash.  Read about his difficult and fascinating journey here, at the Fix. 

Free Embryos in the Bubble Gum Aisle

Plan B is the "morning after pill"

Today, Obama announced a foolish decision about Plan B -- the "morning after pill."

Here's the sitch:  You're a 15 year-old girl who had sex, last night, with a boy.  Problem: the condom broke.  So, first thing, you rush to the pharmacy.  You have to go right up to the counter and ask for Plan B, and once you've survived the embarrassment of this, you are denied the medication because your ID shows you're under 17 and you don't have a prescription.  You'll need to go to the doctor and get one.

You call your new boyfriend.  Chill out, he tells you.  No one gets pregnant the first time, he says.  Come and have a smoke with me.  That'll calm you down.

So you do.  And you feel better.  And you don't want to have to go to the doctor because that would mean admitting you'd had underage sex.  So you decide to leave it.  After all, you're stressing about nothing.

A few weeks later, you realise you've skipped two periods.  What will you do?  Give birth to a child you don't know how to raise or find the money for an abortion?

That's quite a decision to have to make at age 15.

So, Mr. President, when you say, as the father of two daughters, "I think it is important for us to make sure that, you know, we apply some common sense to various rules when it comes to over-the-counter medicine," and you add that you don't want Plan B to be sold alongside "bubble gum or batteries," how do you feel about unwanted children?  Because today, for those who are under 17, it's often easier to get an unborn embryo than it is to obtain Plan B.

I'd rather Plan B was in the bubble gum aisle any day.

Solo Sex: Draining?

From what little I know of semen, I believe it actually comes in many different consistencies.  Do you think the (rather amusing) sign to the left is real or fake? 

Thanks to C for the pic.

Happy Endings at Boston Magazine

At Boston Magazine today, we're stripping right down.  If Boston strip clubs like Centerfolds and the Glass Slipper closed, would this be a bad thing?  Using Tara Hurley's powerful documentary, Happy Endings?, I take a good look at sex work and stereotypes...and the abuse that sex-negative prejudice can cause.

Thanks, folks, and keep shimmying!

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The Slutcracker

Phew, what a day!  My shoulders ache.  But I still have a moment to share a photo from the Slutcracker (Boston's annual, local fetish ballet).  I'm hoping I'll get to see the show before I return to the UK for Christmas.  As you can see from the pic by Hans Wendland, it looks too good to miss...

Can Your Dildo Make You Psychic?

Well, can it?  Hm?  Check out my new post at Good Vibes if you'd like to find out more... ;)

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Stripping Us of Our Strip Joints?

As the construction of a new tower block begins in Boston's Combat Zone, is this a big blow for Boston's sex industry?  The area has been diminishing since the closure of the Howard Theater, which showcased burlesque performers like the legendary Ann Corio, but it looks like we might be approaching the end of an era.

As some readers will already know, the term "Combat Zone" came about for two reasons:  Historically, this red light district served the armed forces who would come ashore and enjoy what the place had to offer.  Also, this was a notoriously violent area, though some say that this reputation was more rumor than reality.  I've heard local activists claim that the real reason the Combat Zone received a rep for violence was because the city itself chose to neglect it.  Shunned by everyone from police to garbage collectors, is it any wonder that so much went unchecked?

I wouldn't call the area "unsafe" today -- I often walk there at night.  But I will add that I usually do so in a leather jacket and jeans.  If I was in a suit, who can say?

With this new construction, are the remaining strip clubs like the Glass Slipper and Centerfolds in danger of closure?  I only wish we could revive the area, and put care and thoughtful attention into it, rather than leaving it to crumble.

Via Universal Hub, with thanks.

Me, Leyla, and a Bit of Hot Gossip

Hot Gossip Vibrating Ring

Well, what a lovely, sexually inspiring day I have had!  I met my friend, Leyla D. Evans, for coffee and we talked about sexuality for two whole hours.  Panera may never have us back.  Then I bought myself a Hustler Gossip Ring at Good Vibrations in Brookline, where the staff are utterly wonderful and, frankly, superb at their jobs.  (I'm thrilled about this little toy.  Mine, since you ask, is the purple one in the pic.  Review coming soon).

So today was a beautifully sexual day and it didn't involve going to bed with myself or anyone else (well, not yet, anyway, but there is a toy to be tested!).  My point?  Sex isn't just about sex itself.  It's about friends, community and being ourselves.  So thank you -- all of you -- for being a part of that.

And, while we're at it, treat yourself with one of Leyla D. Evans's beautiful erotic reads.  You won't regret it!

He Raped You, Now Marry Him (This is No Joke)

Photo: Huffington Post

 I checked out Huffington Post this morning and was too upset for words.  Put it this way:  During fall, as I've ranted about Facebook's refusal to take down "satirical" rape jokes, a woman in Afghanistan has been more than the victim of rape.  The anonymous woman was apparently jailed for adultery (because her rape is viewed as her betrayal, rather than her rapist's) and is only being released if she agrees to marry her attacker.  This makes my rant against rape jokes seem petty, I'm thinking, and yet this Afghan tragedy demonstrates how unethical such "satirical" jokes actually are.  Making rape seem like a light matter is socially destructive.  Rape is not light.  It is hell on earth.  Would Facebook take down child-abuse jokes?  I would hope so.

My thoughts are with the woman in question.  I'm not religious, but I'm praying.

Truth

I'm too tired to say much about this, except that it's beautiful, and every time I see it, it gets more beautiful.  Thank you to MoveOn.org for posting.

Educated?

Rodin's "The Thinker"

Today, on World Aids Day, I was devastated to see that an HIV-positive honors student has been denied admission to a school on account of his lifelong condition.  The school claim this is all part of their policy to turn away students who have chronic communicable diseases, but it seems no other students have been disallowed on these grounds.  Where, oh where, is the love?  The teen is suing the school...and in my opinion, rightly so. 

Also, the old myth that men think about sex far more often than women, and are thus more sex-driven, is being thrown into question by a new study (via TinyNibbles).  Yes, technically men do think about sex more than women, but they also think about eating and sleeping more than women do; so the difference is more to do with thinking patterns, it seems, rather than men being more sexually driven or obsessed.  Interesting, hm?  Great study.  Let's consider ourselves educated, as another stereotype hits the dust.