Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tips for Facing the Interview Panel: Confess Your Past in Porn

According to this story at Boston.com, Kevin Hogan, a Medford teacher, has been placed on leave, pending an investigation into his past work in erotic film.  The school say that Hogan should have reported this work in the application process.  Well, given the song and dance we're seeing, I'm not surprised that he didn't.

Let's just add that whether "starring in a porn film" is viewed as a job really depends on the context.  Did you consider porn as your career last Thursday when you and your neighbor, Sebastian, got intimate with the movie cam?

Grrr.  It angers me when sex-positive activities that do not harm others are treated as if they are crimes.  And it's not as if the man was about to brag about this in the classroom.  I mean, just because Fox 25 seem to have no boundaries when it comes to sex, doesn't mean high school teachers like Hogan have the same problem. 

Honestly.  I'm speechless.  (Well, you know, as speechless as I get.  Snort.)

Thanks to A.H. for the tip!

A Boston Sex Writer: It's All About the Rhythm


Yes, this Boston sex writer is giving away her erotic secrets.  More on the "Bad Sex in Fiction Awards," sex-negative snobbery, and why sexual rhythm is the erotic writer's friend...all in my new post at Boston Magazine today.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

When Desperate, Pray for a Mermaid


Those who enjoy erotic comics, a friend sent me the link for a (NSFW unless you work in the adult industry!) frolicky caper by Filthy Figments.  This is comic porn for adults, created by women...and there are mermaids too.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Have You Heard the One About the Sexist Joke...?

Apparently, Durex in South Africa have been tweeting sexist jokes.  They're not very original either.  (The jokes, not the condoms).  I mean, if you're going to offend gazillions of us, you've gotta have one helluva witty number, or it's sock-in-the-eye time, baby.

Naturally, I have the perfect, witty, feminist retort, but I am above that kind of caper.

Whatdd'ya mean, What about my squirrel joke?  Testicle puns are allowed, aren't they?  I'm sure I read that somewhere...

And the "Biased Sex Criticism Award" Goes To...

Jonathan Beckman, judge/editor of the Literary Review's "Bad Sex in Fiction Award" writes an interesting article at FT.  My quibble?  Firstly, folks are yet again treating sex as if it is somehow a "special case" -- evidence, imo, of subtle attempts at social control.  Have you ever seen a "Bad Eating Scenes in Fiction Award"?  Or a "Bad Lying Scenes in Fiction Award"?  Of course not.

Secondly, Beckman writes:

"Auberon Waugh, Literary Review’s former editor, founded the prize with crusading purpose. He was genuinely convinced that publishers were encouraging novelists to include sex scenes solely in order to increase sales. The award’s remit was 'to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it.'"

I note the judgmental, subjective use of emotive language here.  E.g. "crude, tasteless..." are  words that sound like Father spoke them when he caught you in the shower after church, as opposed to the intellectually detached language that is preserved for talking about other literary aspects that, according to an editor or reader, do not work.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm all about expressing and owning opinions.  But when emotionally loaded language is used to do so, I argue that we're no longer in the realm of professional criticism. 

An interesting article, but read it with open eyes.  When people get angry about sex scenes, they're often getting angry about something else -- something they avoid because they are "better people than that." 

More on this soon!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Dollhouse

Tonight, I watched the end of Dollhouse, season 2 (Joss Whedon, et al).  Jean Paul Sartre, eat your heart out...this is the most sophisticated TV I've seen in years.  No doubt I'll be writing more about Dollhouse -- it has bags to say about sexuality and in such an original way.  But for now, I thought I'd share the trailer for those who haven't seen the series yet.  Enjoy...

Thursday, November 24, 2011

When in Debt, Read Romance

According to Time Magazine, we buy far more romance novels during a recession than we do when times are financially peachy.  Why?  Because we long for escape...at least, that's the theory.  And therein lies one of the reasons why romance is so often frowned upon as a genre.  It makes people feel good.  Yup, that's right.  Apparently, it's far more weighty and meaningful if we all wander around moping about Julius Ceasar or Kafka's The Trial.
 
A very legitimate criticism of pulp romance is that it is often too couple-focused, suggesting that we can only find happiness with a partner.   I'm actually writing a romance in which some of the characters find partners and some simply find themselves.  I love writing it!

Speaking of romance, an old professor of mine once told us, in a lecture, "There has always been a lot of snobbery against the books that are accessible to the people." And let's not forget that writers like Shakespeare and Jane Austen, who are perceived today as highly literary, provided the pulp romance of their respective eras.  Isn't there something rather beautiful about escaping into Shakespeare's Twelfth Night?  Plot: a woman disguises herself as a male servant to get close to the man she's falling for. Hot, hot, hot.

Ooh, that Shakespeare.  He wrote such froth, bless him. ;)

For those that do pumpkin, happy pumpkin.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Pizza and the Importance of Sexual Analogy

Sex and pizza.  Need I say more?  Do check out my new post at Boston Magazine

Oh, and it's my birthday!  And what am I doing?  Taking the day off and working on my erotic novel.  With British tea.  And toast.  Oh what a beautiful morning...



Thanks so much to my dear friend P.S. for introducing me to the work of Tabitha Vevers. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Note on Best Bondage Erotica 2012

Some folks seem to think that we can only get pleasure from erotic fiction if the protagonist's sexual identity, tastes and desires are similar to our own.  But in truth, it's the character's wanting and enjoying that make the story sexy.  Hell, I can write hot stories about things I'd never do, because if my character longs for something and I want them to have it, that's what gets me burning. 

In Good British Steel, I wrote about swordplay -- something I'd never longed for.  But as I wrote the story, I began to suspect that I might actually like it.  Why?  Because my character does.

Sexual empathy.  Sing it.

My story, "Good British Steel," appears in Best Bondage Erotica 2012 (ed. Rachel Kramer Bussel) which is available here and now.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Most Insect-Friendly Sex Toy Review You'll Ever Read

This morning, I spied a spider in the corner of my room, and, seeing as I wasn't quite tall enough to get at her, I used my beloved ostrich feather teaser (from Good Vibrations, since you ask) to escort her from the premises.  Who'd have thunk it?  A gorgeous tool for sensation-play (think feathers, thighs, blindfolds, and the scent of vanilla candles...purr...) also doubles as an insect-removal device.  Can I alone see the poetry in that?

Probably, yes.

Actually, the spider seemed pretty happy.  Maybe I liberated her kinky side.  My activism knows no bounds...

The Nerdy Cabaret Unwrapped: Announcing the Performers

I promised you more about December's Nerdy Cabaret in Cambridge, so here we go:  Hosted by Spectra and Idalia, on December 14th, the glitteringly festive line-up includes Aporia the Rope Bondage Enigma; Berklee Musical Theater Club; Sapphira Cristal -- the Queen of Boston Pride; the gorgeous Delilah Shameless; and UnAmerika's Sweetheart, Karin Webb.  Plus me, of course, reading hot erotica.  I warn you, there'll be c-words.  Woohoo!

Tickets and details here.  I would love it if you'd join me...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Willow, Naked - Dreamy

Karl Moline

Two dear friends bought me some Buffy comics for my birthday and I'm all glowy about them (both the friends and the comics, since you ask).  I've only just started reading the one entitled Willow (season 8, by Joss Whedon and Karl Molline) and am already enchanted.  The cover of my version (see left) got me thinking about how differently you can reach your readers erotically when you work with comics rather than TV, which is riddled with restrictions.  I mean, look at that cover pic!  All skin and hair and serpent coils, it's gloriously erotic.  And what could be more seductive than being immersed in water, drifting, as if dreaming or high?

Friday, November 18, 2011

Sex Education for a Better World

Do read this article in the New York Times, in which Laurie Abraham writes about Al Vernacchio, who is a Sex Education teacher at a Quaker prep school. It's an inspiring article.  If only all sex ed. could be like this.  I quote:

'Two boys who told me they’d been masturbating to Internet porn since middle school said they found themselves disoriented at the real-life encounters they had with girls, but Vernacchio helped them grasp the disjuncture. Pornography “gives boys the impression that the girl is there to do any position you want, or to please you, or to, you know, role-play to your liking,” one of them said. “But yesterday, when Mr. V. said there is no romanticism or intimacy in porn, porn is strictly sexual — I’d never thought about that.”'

Beautiful.  Many thanks to RG for the link.

Words

Photo: T. Kiya
I just met the wonderful Krista Haapala, who, like me, writes for Good Vibrations -- and what a wise voice she is.  Krista is an individual, relational and sexuality coach in Maine.  Check out her beautifully insightful article on sex and language here

Krista writes,

"Whether it is subtle and chronic or grand and acute, communication about sex that misses the mark can often be due to the lack of a shared erotic language. Words that are loaded with sexiness for one person can be a complete turn off for another."

How true!  As a writer, words mean a great deal, and finding partners who speak to my core is important.  And of course, we speak to one another through touch too.  I know that for me, when I'm subbing and my dom praises me and strokes my hair, I feel so aglow that I might spiral off into space!

A wonderful post, Krista.  Thank you.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Wave Your Vibe in the Air Like You Just Don't Care



I have a new post up at Good Vibrations.  What do we want you to do with your sex toys?  Wave 'em around.  Simple.

Rob Tisinai: Protect the Children (And Mean It)

On the Savage Love podcast this week, Dan Savage mentioned Rob Tisinai's blog and YouTube vid about the entirely false, homophobic belief that gay men are more likely to molest children, especially boys.  On this vid (see below) Tisinai is insightful and passionate, using powerful evidence to make his points.  Among other things, he discusses why these damaging homophobic beliefs are actually endangering children.  As far as I'm concerned, his argument is watertight.



Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sex with a Lobster: Tabitha Vevers

Many thanks to my dear friend, P.S., for introducing me to the works of Tabitha Vevers.  This artist is breathtaking and I don't understand why she isn't everywhere.

This first image is from Vevers's Shell Series, and puts Dali's Lobster Telephone to shame.




This second piece, also by Vevers, is entitled "When We Talk About Rape," and is one of the most honest and powerful works I've ever seen on the subject.

A Very Adult Sex Education


Adult sex education is fabulous for a wealth of reasons, especially when people take their clothes off for you, on screen.  If that ain't educational, I don't know what is!

Yes, today, I'm writing about adult sex ed. at Boston Magazine.  Hope you enjoy the post.





 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Fox, the Sex Nerd

From the October 2011 Nerdy Cabaret
I'm proud to announce that I will be performing at the Nerdy Cabaret on December 14th at the Middle East in Central Square. The event will be hosted, as usual, by the wonderful, witty duo, Spectra and Idalia.  Woohoo!  So to witness yours truly reading sexy stories and columns, dressed as the sex-obsessed nerd that I am, you can buy your tickets here.  And if you've yet to come out as a nerd, this is a great place to do so. ;)

More info soon!


Thank You, Kylie: Dream of the Day

I was idly thinking about blowing a load of cash on lingerie when I go home to London, this December.  It's only a dream.  I ain't made of money.  But when dreaming, why not do it properly...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Buddy and Pedro: the Tantric Connection

Many of us have been fretting about Buddy and Pedro, the gay Toronto penguins who are being split up so they can mate with females.  Apparently, they'll be back together before long, but I still feel the sting on their behalf.

Interestingly, a friend and I went to a tantric sex workshop tonight where we felt we weren't being valued in terms of our queer, kinky selves.  It's the opposite of a peaceful feeling, knowing that the very core of you is being overlooked.  At the start of the workshop, the instructors made out that tantric sex was all about prolonging orgasm, and I felt my insides drop like a stone.  Sex is about so many things, and orgasm's just one part of that.  If we believe otherwise, no wonder we go around splitting up queer penguins without acknowledging the damage we are doing.

Thanks to the wonderful RW for the link!

Love Letters

Shepard Fairey's "Peace Fingers"


News!  My monthly Hot Topic sex column at the Nervous Breakdown will now be open to sex/relationship letters.  I offer kind, sex-positive, person-centered advice, so if you'd like to send me a letter, please email me

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Redefining Our Relationships (Yes, Please)

Wendy-O Matik
Wendy-O Matik's beautiful book, Redefining Our Relationships begins with a list of definitions.  I wanted to share this author's definition for "Making love" because, in my opinion, it couldn't be more perfect:

"Making love = Being Loving: anything and everything that you put your heart into, including intercourse, a hand shake, kissing, a love letter, a peace offering, S/M, art, music, masturbation, fetishes, fantasies, a phone call, a warm embrace, whatever pleases you, whatever feels good, the sky is the limit.  I dare you to count the ways you can single-handedly make love to the planet or yourself or your best friend or your new lover."

Wendy-O Matik calls herself an "Activist of the Heart," and, as you can see, she really is.  So thank you, Wendy-O.  The universe needs you.

And thank you to my dear friend, RG, too, for recommending me such a wonderful book.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Real Education for Healthy Youth Act of 2012

The Real Education for Healthy Youth Act of 2012 (via tinynibbles, with thanks) has apparently been introduced to the senate.  The bill supports the reduction of unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, and the promotion of healthy relationships (sex and emotion, eureka!) -- that kind of wise, humane sex ed. that is currently a rarity in our public schools.  I have a full-on day today, so I can't write about this at length.  But please do check out this official website, when you can, to see how you can lend support.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Frogs and Sass

This morning, guys, yours truly is glowing because the wonderful MetAnotherFrog has given us a mention, both for sex-driven Herman Cain and Sassy Gay Friend.  Check out the other authors who are featured in MetAnotherFrog's Good Drawer, including Rachel Kramer Bussel and Rebecca Bond.  A great way to bring intriguing, intelligent sex-positives together.

I also discovered a lovely review of Dream Lover (ed. by Kristina Wright) by Cholia at Whipped Cream Reviews.  Cholia says of my story:
For Humans, Love’s All About Weight by Lana Fox is that kind of story that makes you feel good, that renews your hope for the world. Hattie was betrayed by her lover and her neighbors. However, when a mysterious bird with human eyes is brought into her home, she follows her heart and ignores the instructions left to her… bringing her the joy she’s always deserved. A lovely short story that will have you smiling before the end. 
And of one of my favorite pieces in the collection, Moongirl Meets the Wolfman by Alana Noel Voth, Cholia writes:
...It is an excellent example of two forces working against one another – one half of the couple is fighting the wolf within while the other embraces it – to eventually find a way to work together in the end.
And lastly, returning to Sassy Gay Friend, I discovered his It Gets Better video and was quite moved.  In fact, I was also astounded at his talent, as I often am when I see brilliant comedy actors being themselves.  This guy is quite something.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Chat-Up Lines, Pillow Talk, and Why I'm No Mercedes


And I'm back with more sex!  I've a new post at the Good Vibrations Magazine: Chat-Up Lines, Pillow Talk, and Why I'm No Mercedes is a post about how language can make us feel, whether we're flirting or between the sheets.

Herman Cain, My Genitals Are None of Your Business


Well, they're not.  And to see just how little I like this man, please read my latest rant at Boston Magazine, where Licensed Psychologist and Psychotherapist Jennifer Strong helps me analyse this worrying politician and his attitudes to...well, my genitals.  And thanks also go to Dan Savage for his political wit.  (It's a Dan Savage kinda day).

The Hot Topic, No. 13: A Big, Savage Glitterbomb - Sex and Mistakes


There goes Dan Savage, covered in glitter.  Though I have to say, the sparkles suit him...  So what can we learn from Savage's past mistakes in terms of transgender politics?  Take a look at my new Hot Topic at the Nervous Breakdown for my own crazed musings.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Birthday Suit

In the UK, being in your "birthday suit" is a way of saying you're naked.  Obviously, we all come into the world wearing no clothes, so it's a pun -- a silly one.  But I think there's an added irony because of the vulnerability nakedness can bring.  And I, for one, feel very self-conscious about my birthday -- vulnerable, if you will.

Announcement:  It is my birthday in two weeks time.  I have a habit of not telling anyone because it feels showy, then I get dejected on the actual day because nobody knows.  I rarely set up a special event, and if I do, it's kind of minimalist.  Contrary to appearances, I am not always a confident person. 

But this year, I'm going to celebrate.  And this blog will be part of that.  So watch this space, folks.  Treats to come.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Susie Bright: the Erotic Screen

Folks, I'm currently reading Susie Bright's new e-book, The Erotic Screen: the Golden Hardcore & the Shimmering Dyke-Core vol. 1: 1967-1989.  In these pages, Susie, who was a reviewer of erotic film for decades, publishes her old columns.  These include "The X-Rated Advisor" in which readers wrote in for erotic film advice and were greeted with Susie's wonderful brand of candour, humanity and inspiration.  To sell you on the book, here's a question from a reader and a reply from Susie Bright.  (Coincidentally, the reader lived in the same place as I do now!)

Q: How can decent wholesome people enjoy watching X-rated movies which have no integrity, acting ability, or love between the characters?...  (Stacey Y. Jamaica Plain, MA):

A: Because inside every decent wholesome person is a precious amount of sexual desire... 

Lust has its own integrity.  You can prove this to yourself by looking at what happens when you get turned on -- the body doesn't lie...  My clit -- and yours too -- will rise to the occasion when stimulated by images that simply match our sexual needs.  If that means getting aroused purely by bodies that sweat and writhe like they mean it, well, that's about as decent an erotic justification as you'll find..."

Oh, how true! LF

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Free Love: the Susie Bright Giveaway


Without Susie Bright's audio show, In Bed With Susie Bright, I'm pretty sure I would not be a sex writer today.  That's how big an impact Susie has had on my life.  (In fact, she even once interviewed me for the "Tell Me Your Sex Story" section of the show -- you can find a sample of yours truly here).

Anyway, the podcast has reached its 500th anniversary, and in celebration, Susie is giving away show no. 500 for freeIn Bed is enlightening, empowering and fun as heck.  If you don't subscribe, why not give it a try?  After all, this is free love, people.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Why the Video of Jon Huntsman's Daughters with Fake Mustaches is so Funny

Today, in my post at Boston Magazine, we're interested in mustaches.  And gender.  And gender-bending.  And how much you wobble your head...



And by the by, if you're a teenage girl in Boston, please drop me a line as soon as you can.  I may have a cool publicity opportunity for you.