Steve Jobs & Porn: Time for a New Apple?

Photo: Flevet
(via Wikimedia Commons)

Online at Boston Magazine today, I explore whether Steve Jobs's departure from Apple will benefit the porn industry.  One thing's for sure:  From editing queer-friendly Lady Gaga to only promoting the Playboy app, Apple has a way to go if they want to become sex-positive.

And by the way, I may be in love with Greta Christina, who writes with such passion about the beauty of casual sex at AlterNet this week.

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OK Cupid, We're Checking the Bi Box

Rachel Stirling & Keeley Hawes in
the BBC's adaptation of Sarah Waters'
Tipping the Velvet

I have a new post up at the Good Vibrations Magazine, and if you take a look, do read the fabulous comments too.  The piece explores OkCupid's assumptions about those who identify as "bisexual" with regard to their research stats.  It also looks at why they could do with a check box for "queer" as well.

Here's what the commenters reminded me: "bisexual" is a sticky term.  It suggests we might be attracted to folks of "either" sex (or indeed gender) but there are not just two sexes or just two genders, and most of the world needs educating on that score.  Is there a better way to communicate my being as drawn towards heterosexual or bi/queer men as I am towards bi/queer women, as well as being attracted to transgender and intersex individuals?  "Queer" embraces it all, and more, but it is not as specific.  Does that matter?  Yeah, I think it does.

This stuff makes my head spin, but the more I read, the clearer I become.  I still stumble and have to remind myself that "sex" is the biological stuff and "gender" is the socially constructed stuff.  I often define my own "bi" attractions as existing in terms of gender as well as sex...but again, "bi" doesn't suggest the richness of possibilities.

This I am entirely clear on though:  Why any of us slam variety is beyond me.

Music for the Erotic Life: Spacewalk

Our society has a habit of construing orgasm as being separate from the rest of our lives, but in truth so much can feel liberating and climactic once we open up to erotic pleasure and connection.  Lemon Jelly's crazy song below, which I've always loved, communicates this, I believe...and I don't think it's just my interpretation, though of course it may be.

So here's Spacewalk by Lemon Jelly.  Enjoy.

And if you don't know Rambling Man, you're missing a treat.  Also, while we're on the subject, please do read this post by Charlie Glickman about love.  It's thought provoking and, frankly, beautiful.

As One

Painting: Jack Vettriano

I am going to be alone in a hurricane tonight.  Thank God my vibrators are battery powered.  But seriously, I didn't think to ask anyone if I could spend the evening with them, and the result is this: me in a lonely storm.

What a fool.

But I am not alone in reality.  A friend just phoned me up, out of concern, to check I had everything I needed, and (as a Brit in America) was up to date with how to close storm windows and what to stash away.  Little sex-related opportunities to connect with others have been creeping into my life as well.  So as I continue to insist that sexuality is a flame we carry within ourselves, rather than being dependent on partners, I mustn't forget that I am not solo in this world.

That said, while those we have sex with are an important part of community, they're not the only way in which we can connect with others.  This week, for instance, I'll be having dinner with a wonderful woman who is both a sex-positive librarian and an erotic dancer.  I'll also be blogging about porn and technology at Boston Magazine, and sharing a one-hour consult with an erotic novelist, before working on my own erotic book.  I'm researching burlesque too, and the documentary I mentioned below ("A Wink and a Smile") proved to be a stunning reminder of how sexual friendships can bring new breath to erotic expression.  Plus I recently spent a gorgeous couple of hours with a dear friend of mine, visiting Good Vibrations for treats before coffee and cookies.  Where sex is concerned, friendship is vital.  As friends, we encourage each other to try, share, grow and invent, because being sexually close doesn't require sex itself...though I'll add that our best friends can make wonderful lovers.

A super-talented writer I work with tells me, thanks to my erotic writing classes, she has started to go up to young, brawny men in the street and tell them they're hot.  They're lucky men -- after all, she's a delectable woman to be approached by in such a manner, and apparently this isn't something she'd have dreamed of doing before we worked together.  But our erotic writing group was nurturing, buoyant and unafraid and by being a collective, we strengthened one another, each expressing our sexual personalities in ways that could set the earth alight.

Perhaps the rest of society will become connected like this too, if we remember we're in it together.

A Wink and a Smile

I am a growing fan of burlesque, not just because it can be artful, fun and sexy, but also because of its potential to empower us.  Erotic dancing, whether humorous or sultry (or indeed both) can express pride in body and spirit, dionysian enjoyment, sexual character, and so much more.  Plus the human form is beautiful and I want to see more and more of us strutting across that stage with our rich range of body shapes, as we peel off whatever we long to peel off!

For the trailer of "A Wink and a Smile" below, I want to thank my wonderful friend Rye.  Tonight, I'm going to be watching the documentary itself, which he recommends.  It looks fascinating.  A real journey that proves how burlesque is all about humanity and courage.

Music for the Erotic Life: Coin Operated Boy

When it comes to erotic love, humans are just so complicated, aren't we?  The Dresden Dolls' Coin Operated Boy says it all.  By turns hilarious and desperate, like love itself.

Christ, who'd be a human, hm?

Why Bachmann Can't Just Pray the Gay Away

Gabe Aderhold, 17,  who
triumphantly slammed Bachmann

My new post at the Boston Daily attacks Bachmann's big, loud silence about queer sexualities and considers how such attitudes are pushing us out of our homes.

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Burlesque!

Yes, I'm posting again tonight because I just checked out Violet Blue's tinynibbles and discovered an upcoming documentary (plus trailer below, for adults) about burlesque.  I am nuts about burlesque and am actually researching its history at the moment...but you'll have to wait to find out why. ;)  Judging by the trailer, the film's going to be fabulous.  I cannot wait!

Devils Dance - The New Burlesque Trailer 2min. 30sec. from Black Leader on Vimeo.

Music for the Erotic Life: Pretender

For me, there is such a BDSM feel about this song.  It brings to mind the people with whom we can release rage, passion and other carnalities.  (In fact, while we're on the subject, this recent article by Midori on how BDSM can create deep intimacy is both elegant and wise).  But the Foo Fighters' Pretender also reveals the potency of seeing the truth -- a truth others cannot know.  When we see right through each other's everyday armour, the power and vulnerability we find there can create a meaningful connection.  And that's what BDSM is all about.  That...and more.

Music for the Erotic Life: Mercy

What isn't erotic about begging?  It's such a direct communication of needing, yearning, and going to the ends of the earth to be sated...or dare I say, released.  Of course, that's the root of erotic love -- the desperate longing to possess and be possessed.  But who has the power, she who begs or she who is begged?  Depends who gives in first...?  Or perhaps it's more complex than that.

And oh, Duffy!  You can beg me any time.

Music for the Erotic Life: Lovecats

The Cure, performing live on Top of the Pops in 1983...unless you believe the lip sync rumours.  Dear God, it was the eighties, I wasn't even in secondary school, but I still wanted to marry Robert Smith (what's changed?) and the Cure were teaching me that erotic love really is an animal.

Music for the Erotic Life: Laid

When I was at university my housemates and I were crazy about James' Laid.  If you're not familiar with the song, humour me and listen to the lyrics.  Talk about a wild story.  (Oh romance, where did you go?).

Anders Behring Breivik and Sexual Shame

Why am I illustrating this with a fluffy kitten, you ask?  Because I am in need of comfort.  After all, I spent too long this week reading Andrew Behring Breivik's horrendous manifesto in order to write my new Boston Magazine post on Breivik and sexual shame.  So I'm now looking at the kitty.  Fixedly.

On a far more positive note, however, I did get to interview the wonderful Jaclyn Friedman for the same aforementioned post.  An author and activist who was also key speaker at Boston's SlutWalk, Jaclyn brings insightful, vital and impassioned discussion to the piece.  Do check out her book: What You Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety.

Thank heaven for sex positivity.

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Music for the Erotic Life: Amy, Amy, Amy

If you've never heard Amy Winehouse's Amy, Amy, Amy, you've been missing an erotic treat.  As you'll hear, both her lyrics and performance ooze sexuality.  The song takes on a whole new poignancy, of course, now that Amy herself is dead.  I believe the lyrics were somewhat of a self-portrait...and speaking of portraits, aren't the stills of Amy on this YouTube video haunting?

Beautiful Queer Lovebirds

Gay birds in long-term love!  It's so romantic.  Reminds me of the penguin daddies, remember?  Thank you to the BBC, and tinynibbles for the link.  Cooo...

Music for the Erotic Life: Good Ones

I thought I'd share a few favourite songs that speak to the erotic life.  The Kills are hot as hell and I love a whole lot of their work, "Good Ones" included.  The video, as you'll see, is all about sex without there being any...well, actual sex.  (Metaphorically, there's plenty).

The Good Drawer & Sex During Depression

Folks, the (NSFW) Good Drawer, edited by MetAnotherFrog, is a great source for sex-positive articles and erotica.  In fact, it's how I found Malcolm Jones's thought-provoking review of House of Holes by Nicholas Baker, and I'm proud to say that this week's selection also features my Britney post from Boston Magazine.

Next up, a new sex study (from the Journal of Psychology, Health & Medicine) suggests that teenage girls take part in riskier sexual behavior e.g. sex without condoms when they are depressed.  Safe sex, it appears, goes with higher self-esteem.  Should we start discussing the effects of depression in sex ed. classes?  Shouldn't we encourage young people to notice when they are depressed and think about how this might affect their sexual behavior?  Mind you, actually learning anything useful from most sex ed. is a challenge, it would seem.

Porn: Medieval Myths & Modern Quests

John William Waterhouse

Sure, women watch porn.  But what is it, exactly?  My new post at the Nervous Breakdown explores just that.  We'll even brush you up on your Arthurian legends, while you're at it. ;)

Also, while we're riding the sex-positive wave, do read Donna George Storey's fabulous article, Does Sex Have to be Stupid?  It's passionate, insightful and downright true.

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Hit Me, Baby, at Boston Magazine

What do Britney Spears and YouPorn have in common?  They both feature in my new post at Boston Magazine.

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Orchid

Even before I knew that orchids were a symbol of sex and fertility, I was fascinated by the flowers.  In fact, six years ago, shortly after I moved to America, a friend bought me an orchid for my birthday.  It was deep pink and beautiful and I kept it on my writing desk, where I'd often touch the petals in awe of their perfection.  I kept it alive for two whole years -- a feat considering I'm a lousy gardener.

Right now, I live in a tiny room and I'm yearning for an orchid...what could be more enchanting?  Yet I worry that traipsing from town back home (especially on the subway) with a plastic-wrapped plant will ruin the petals.  They are so delicate and poised, and though they look like the female sex they are nowhere near as hardy.  Little is, of course.

Soon, I keep telling myself.  Soon, I'll have an orchid.  And I'll keep it alive if it's the last thing I do.  But it's daunting owning a living, flowering being -- one that might easily be damaged.  See, like many who value their inner sexuality, I know vivid living can make us feel our own fragility.  Entering our erotic worlds as fully as we can is as rewarding as it is frightening.

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Now That Ain't No Doll

I am absolutely exhausted tonight, but thankfully Eliza Dushku as a dominatrix in Joss Whedon's Dollhouse momentarily reawakened my inner sprite.  

She can snap that whip my way any time. 

Is Sexting a Dangerous Game?

Is sexting a win for literacy and sexual empathy?  Or a risk that's not worth taking?  A Rhode Island study brings food for thought in my new post at Boston Magazine, which includes fresh opinion from the marvelous Steve Almond.

Also, Kaitlyn Johnston has a fascinating post: Unborn Babies, Please Don't Friend Me on Facebook.  And my current Good Vibrations story, Three Pink Boxes (Part 2) was featured in the (NSFW) Good Drawer Weekly, compiled by MetAnotherFrog -- along with great selections from other authors as well.

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News, News, News!

The Femme Show

So much to share and so little time!  Well, here's the digest:  If you're able, please help Aliza, founder of Truth Serum Productions, who needs our support.  Truth Serum produces monthly drag shows, queer film events, burlesque life drawing classes, and regularly brings notable sex workers and related professionals to Boston to lecture and perform...in other words, lots of fantastic work.  But recently, Aliza suffered a stroke, so her friends have set up a fund to make sure she receives the care and space to fully recover.  Please donate if you can.

Also, I can't shut up about the Fourth Annual All New Femme Show, which runs on October 7th and 8th in Cambridge. I plan to be there and I hope you will be too.  If you've never heard of the Femme Show, you can find out more here.

Meanwhile, on the research front, a new study suggests that saying swear words actually stresses your brain.  (Thanks to Janeen for the fabulous link).  I've yet to look at the research in any detail, but I'm wondering whether this stress includes positive adrenaline spikes.  Positive stress counts too, after all, and I'm sure we'd be lost without it...  While we're at it, another report suggests that boys who masturbate are more likely to use condoms when they have partnered sex.  (Thanks for the link, Charlie Glickman).  The researchers stress that these initial findings merit further exploration.  But hell, it makes sense that those of us who take care of our bodies would...well...take care of our bodies, right?

And Part 2 of my new story Three Pink Boxes is now up at the Good Vibrations Magazine.  If you missed it, you can also read Part 1 here.

Now I need to go and relax.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer and a beer, methinks.