When Violence Eases Trauma

Shepard Fairey's
"Rise Above"

Many thanks to Ry for forwarding me this stunning article by author Mac McClelland who lived out a sexually violent fantasy in order to help herself work through severe trauma.  Please do read, folks.  It's an amazing piece of writing and a testament to a truly brave individual.

Yes, we've said it before and we'll say it again:  Consensual sex can heal, be it dark or light.

Side by Side, No. 2

Georgia O'Keefe's
"Slightly Open Clam Shell"
1926

Tonight's pair of quotes are about the cunt in all its glory!  Enjoy.

"If you do decide to get a vaginostomy because it will make you feel more confident and it's a decision you're making strictly for yourself, then more power to you.  Make it bigger.  Make it smaller.  Add a laser and a margarita dispenser.  Go wild.  But if you're considering having painful and dangerous surgery simply to fulfill the imaginary expectations of a society fixated on making everyone in the world look like a Barbie (from head to vulva) then maybe do a little soul-searching first.  Your vagina is awesome, and don't let anyone tell you any different."  The Bloggess at Sexis

Henry Miller in a love letter to Anais Nin:  "I love your cunt, Anais--it drives me crazy.  And the way you say my name!  God, it's unreal.  Listen, I am very drunk.  I am hurt to be here alone.  I need you.  Can I say anything to you?  I can, can't I?  Come quickly then and screw me.  Shoot with me.  Wrap your legs around me.  Warm me."

Good British Steel in Best Bondage Erotica 2012

It's been one of those weeks in which a lot has gone wrong.  No, really, Lana Fox has felt like rather a mess.  Anyway, one glorious up-point was an email from the wonderful Rachel Kramer Bussel telling me that Good British Steel, my swordplay story, has been accepted for publication in Best Bondage Erotica 2012.

And isn't this a wonderful cover?

Below you'll find the full list of contributors.  I am excited to be among such a star-studded and talented group of writers.



Melting Ice -- Shoshanna Evers
A Night at the Opera -- Elizabeth Coldwell
Darlene’s Dilemma -- Andrea Dale
Snow White -- A.R. Shannon
Trophy Boyfriend -- Lucy Felthouse
The Spider and the Fly -- Salome Wilde
Tied Down -- Elise Hepner
The Cupboard Under the Stairs -- Kay Jaybee
Suffer for Me -- Teresa Noelle Roberts
Dry Rub -- Giselle Renarde
Worth Redemption -- Craig J. Sorensen
Laced -- Elizabeth Silver
Pawns -- Elska Tas
Cumaná -- Helen Sedgwick
Good British Steel -- Lana Fox
Parting Ways -- Tenille Brown
Knot Alone -- Kathleen Tudor
Insurrection -- Valerie Alexander
The Tipping Point -- Lolita Lopez
As Long As You Don’t Wake Me -- Neil Gavriel
The Weight -- Rachel Kramer Bussel 

Why You Should Own a Pleasure Box

Naturally everyone should.  Find out why in my new post at the Good Vibrations Magazine.

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Side by Side, No. 1

Sometimes, when you place quotes side by side, they illuminate one another or throw us into a quandary.  I thought it would be fun to start a series of quotations that raise something interesting about sex and/or gender -- especially when viewed side by side.  Here are the first:

"A woman doesn't have to be born with the attributes of Marilyn Monroe to fill the role of the Sex Siren.  Most of the physical elements are a construction: the key is the air of schoolgirl innocence.  While one part of you seems to scream sex, the other part is coy and naive, as if you were incapable of understanding the effect you are having.  Your walk, your voice, your manner are delightfully ambiguous--you are both the experienced, desiring woman and the innocent gamine."

From The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

"And I can tell you this with certainty:  You are worthy and capable of finding a way to live your life just the way you really are.  And there are plenty of good people in the world who believe that a life like yours needs to be lived.  If you work at being as fully you as you can possibly be, you will feel better."

From Hello Cruel World by Kate Bornstein

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The Hot Topic, vol. 8 - Whip Me Harder: Why Sexual Submission is All About Power

Photo: Clarence Risher

Ever fancied beginning your weekend with a darn good spanking?  In my Hot Topic column this month at the Nervous Breakdown, I explore why submitting in the bedroom can truly make us stronger.

By the by, I will be joining the Pride march in Boston today dressed as a French maid, to celebrate being both bi and kinky.  Oh la la!


Thanks to SB & LG for your wonderful edits.

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Susie Bright on KRON

Is she not the Queen?

Freedom & Pride

Two things I need to say.  Firstly, it is Pride Week in Boston.  See a schedule here.  Yours truly plans to be there on Saturday.

Secondly, please read this article about Xandir, a teenager in Utah, who was abducted, forcibly restrained and taken to a facility where she and many other gay teenagers were brainwashed and tortured in an attempt to make them heterosexual.  I warn you, it's shocking stuff.  Here's Thomas Roche's commentary at tinynibbles and the original article (with more detail) written by Xandir and posted by pixel8.

Frankly, I spend a lot of time these days worrying about the fact that sexual and gender prejudice are a danger to us all, regardless of how we identify.  What do we do about that?  Refuse to be silenced...and brave Xandir (above) is an example of that.  But remember the little stuff counts as well.  Wear that rainbow T-shirt with pride, whether you're queer or not.

Tighten My Handcuffs, Baby: the Power of Submission

Submission!  Oh how much I enjoy its beautiful mix of simplicity and complexity.  Choosing to submit can be intensely pleasurable, and we can also bond quite powerfully when another controls us just as we've longed to be controlled.  Of course, subbing teaches a lot about sexual assertion because we learn to be both upfront and tuned into exactly what we do or don't want.  The "safe word" is vital for consent, and I also find it a delightful phrase...though in truth, when we're dominated with passion while giving our consent, every word can feel safe, especially when the wish to hide disappears. How freeing!  (Even in handcuffs!).

Anyone who doesn't think domination/submission can be romantic should take a look at this excerpt from Anais Nin's diaries (Henry & June: the Unexpurgated Diary 1931-1932):

"He asks to see me again.  When I wait in the armchair in his room, and he kneels to kiss me, he is stranger than all my thoughts.  With his experience he dominates me.  He dominates with his mind, too, and I am silenced.  He whispers to me what my body must do.  I obey, and new instincts rise in me.  He has seized me.  A man so human; and I, suddenly brazenly natural.  I am amazed to be lying there in his iron bed, with my black underwear vanquished and trampled.  And the tight secrecy of me broken for a moment, by a man who calls himself the 'last man on earth.'"

That's Anais writing about her lover, Henry Miller.

Phew.  Is it just me, or does it feel a little hot in here? ;)

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The NSFW footnote:  Seeing as we're fans of kink here, I would be remiss if I didn't point you in the direction of this amazingly hot NSFW bicycle fetish video by Entropy, via Violet Blue at tinynibbles.com.  Quite apart from being hot as heck, this short film is beautifully shot and mindblowingly clever.  Bicycles and a stylized, noir-ish aesthetic!  And I mentioned it was hot already, right...? ;)

It Gets Better: Kate Bornstein

If you need some comfort, Kate Bornstein's It Gets Better video feels like it's for all of us, regardless of sexuality, gender/transgender, age, nationality, wealth etc. etc.  Kate is amazing.  I watch this vid on a loop!  (Don't worry about image distortions at the start).

Big thanks to my wonderful friends Erin Kate and Ry.  And of course, to Kate Bornstein and Dan Savage (for his inspired It Gets Better project, as well as Savage Love).