The Naked Truth, No. 10

Today's Naked Truth comes from Miss Maggie Mayhem:

"Contrary to popular belief, the vagina is not 'sealed for freshness' with an iron hymen. It isn’t brittle, it does have openings, and the vaginal corona looks and feels different for each woman. For those of you unfamiliar with the term 'vaginal corona' please allow me to back up. The term 'hymen' is not actually a biologically sound term because it implies a solid piece of tissue that ruptures or breaks upon penetration. This is not the case. A 'corona' is much more accurate for the mucous tissue just inside the vagina. Some women do have thicker and stronger coronas that may require medical intervention to help reduce pain in penetration whether that is for sex or for menstruation. Some women have very small, thin, and nearly transparent tissues that never causes them any pain or problems. Like every other part of our body, it is unique to us. The presence or absence of a 'hymen' does not indicate virginity."

The above quote is from Maggie's post Virginity, which, among other things, brilliantly discusses the implications of Kink.com's coverage of Nikki Blue having penetrative, vaginal sex ("losing her virginity") for the first time, on screen.  Also note the comments section, where Peter Acworth speaks politely and astutely on behalf of (NSFW) Kink.com.  

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The Naked Truth, No.9

Joumana Haddad

Many thanks to my friend Erin Kate Ryan for this fascinating article by Sadie Stein at Jezebel.  The piece is about Joumana Haddad, a lebanese sex-positive advocate for women.  Her newly released magazine, Jasad (Bodies), which contains explicit erotica for women, is selling breathtakingly well -- not just in Lebanon but also in Saudi Arabia.  Below, Haddad explains why her activism is erotica- and sex-centered:

"People tell me, ‘There are so many things wrong with the Arab world, why do you just talk about sex?' And I say, ‘This is the main link.' Who decides what's haram - what's allowed and not allowed? The religious figures. They are linked with the political powers, and together they work to control the society through this medium, the sex drive. If you break the power over sex, you can start undermining and questioning the religious and political powers. You cannot do it the other way around.”

It's a vision I share, but my bravery is nothing on Haddad's.  This woman with the heart and guts of a lion is changing the world.

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I Have Sex

Thanks to Stephen for forwarding me the link to this video, in which pro-choice students from Wesleyan College speak out about sex and abortion rights.  Pride is what it is.


My one sadness?  The students who say they aren't having sex yet, probably are.  Solo sex counts, folks.  And I'm not going to shut up about that.

Call me loudmouth.  I can take it.

Via Millard Fillmore's Bathtub, with thanks.

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The Naked Truth, No. 8

Pic by Craig Scoffone (see below)

Today, some wise words from Tristan Taormino, writing with intellect and passion about queer heterosexuality:

'How does one spot a QH [queer heterosexual]? In some cases, it's based on either one or both partners having non-traditional gender expressions, like she's tough-as-nails butch (yes, straight women can be butch—have you been to Montana?) and he's girlish and lets her take charge (which may or may not include bending over), or they actively work against their assigned gender roles. Some queer heterosexuals are strongly aligned with queer community, culture, politics, and activism but happen to love and lust after people of a different gender. I also consider folks who embrace alternative models of sexuality and relationships (polyamory, non-monogamy, BDSM, cross-dressing) to be queer, since labeling them "straight," considering their lifestyle choices, seems inappropriate. Then there are those folks who may be straight-looking and straight-acting, but you can't in good conscience call them straight.'

Quoted from The Queer Heterosexual, an article by Tristan Taormino at the Village Voice.

I recommend you read the rest.  It's smart, fascinating and thought provoking.  Written in 2003, it's still absolutely relevant to the here and now.

The photo is from Craig Scoffone Studios (click here for link), where you'll find some wonderful sensual/erotic photography, and services that include personal glamour shots.


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The Naked Truth, No. 7

Today's Naked Truth comes from Violet Blue's The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn:

"One of the major obstacles that we women face in determining our own healthy vehicles for sexuality is the widely held notion that women don't respond to sexual imagery as men do--a notion that is absolutely untrue.  In her 1994 study, Dr. Ellen Laan of the University of Amsterdam proved that women do, in fact, respond physiologically to sexual images.  When seeing sex onscreen (whether from male or female directors), the women in the study responded, their genitals becoming congested with blood--a cornerstone of the sexual response."

I love Violet Blue.  As you can see from the above passage, she's so darn intelligent, passionate and gutsy.  If you want the latest sex news, she's always incredibly shrewd and up to date at her (NSFW) Tiny Nibbles blog. And did you know that Violet Blue is her real name?  Yup.  Not a pseud.  How cool is that?

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More Vibrators, Less War!

I just commented (in rather an enflamed state of mind) on a fascinating article at Salon, written by Tracy Clark-Flory.  It's well-penned and definitely worth a read, though it concentrates on shame.  That's why I commented on the site, and if you're a regular reader I don't need to tell you what I said because you already know.  In any case, I've pasted my comment below.  The words love, peaceful and generous are all there.  Holy heck, ladies, get a vibrator for pete's sake and don't be afraid to talk about it.  More sex toys, less war.  And I'm utterly serious about that.

Thanks for a fascinating article. And thanks to David for his wise comments below. Yes, the negativity about masturbation (or solo sex) has to stop. I am not even slightly ashamed to admit that I own vibrators. In fact, I review sex toys and erotica and feel proud to do so. I also know a vast amount of wonderful people who are UNashamed to speak candidly about their solo sex lives. These are the most kind, passionate, powerful and tolerant folks I have ever met.

Frankly, if you don't masturbate, why not? The research suggests that orgasms are healing (just look up oxytocin) and, frankly, put you in a much more generous mood. As a lover, you become able to let your partners know how to please you, and you’re able to concentrate on THEIR pleasure more fully because you're less and less likely to have to concentrate on your own. Apart from that, I truly believe orgasms make us happier, and when we're happier, we're more loving towards the world.

More vibrators, less war!

Thanks so much to the lovely CE for letting me know about this article.  You're a gem.

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The Naked Truth, No. 6

Today's Naked Truth comes in two parts, both of which are from Susie Bright's Full Exposure.  It is an utterly beautiful book.  Please, please read it.

The first quote comes from the opening page:

"There is no such thing as a person without an erotic story.  I don't mean a tall tale or a punch line or a story about the one who got away.  I'm talking about a personal erotic identity, what you might call a sexual philosophy.  It's the big "What If?" of our sexual lives.

"Take a look at your own erotic story, and you'll see that it's a motion picture of everything about you that is creative: the risks you'd be willing to take, the weightless depth of your imagination, your attraction to the truth, and the things that would make you go blind.  That's a story all right.  It doesn't matter whether we tell it to a crowd of thousands, whisper it to our lover, or merely confess it to ourselves.  The power is in owning it."

The second quote comes from a little later in the book, when Susie discusses how sexuality affects all our relationships and creative pursuits, in spite of the way we often try to split it off from the rest of our lives:

"I say 'erotic life' instead of 'sex life,' because when someone asks me about my sex life, it's like code for, 'Are you getting laid?'  I need a code for replying, 'Getting laid isn't the half of it.'  My dreams are filled with sex; my work is inspired with sexual energy; my family and friendships are influenced in so many ways by my sexual creativity that I couldn't even pinpoint them all.  Most sex experts tell people to search for a sex life, to make it happen by getting out of the house and into the right singles bar, but actually your sex life is rocking your boat every minute of every day.  You never even have to leave the house or make a phone call."

from Full Exposure: Opening up to Your Sexual Creativity & Erotic Expression

Isn't that breathlessly wise and true?

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Why We Are Mermaids

John William Waterhouse

I have been researching mermaids for a project I'm currently working on, which is why I'm re-reading The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson -- an achingly sad tale.  That said, mermaids always remind me of those of us who feel deeply about sexuality.  Like the sea beings, we understand how our sexual identities, fantasies and gestures can put us in touch with deep and buried parts of ourselves.  We are all about the truth, body and soul, accepting ourselves as animals as well as spiritual beings.  So in light of this, I want to share the opening of Andersen's story, which I read as metaphor for our spiritual connection to sex:

"Far out in the ocean the water is as blue as the petals of the loveliest cornflower, and as clear as the purest glass.  But it is very deep too.  It goes down deeper than any anchor rope will go, and many, many steeples would have to be stacked one on top of another to reach from the bottom to the surface of the sea.  It is down there that the sea folk live."  From The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen

Okay, dear friends.  That's it for now.  Stay deep.

Postscript:  If you love the romantic elements in The Little Mermaid, take a look at my course description for an online class at The Basement over the coming term. Paranormal romance is absolutely encouraged, as is reinterpretation of classic tales.  Come join me!


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The Naked Truth, No. 4

Spader & Gyllenhaal in Secretary

This weekend, I interviewed the wonderful women of Central Square's must-visit sex shop, Hubba Hubba.  Suzi Phelps (the owner), Nancy Neon and Reign Fure were an absolute joy to chat with.  I'm going to work up a column and possibly an article about the terrific work they do as well as their experiences and perspectives.  It may take a while for me to complete the pieces, but watch this space.

Meanwhile, if you've seen Steven Shainberg's film Secretary chances are you'll remember today's Naked Truth (see below).  If you haven't, you're in for a treat, but please note there are some little spoilers in the rest of this paragraph, so feel free to skip.  This particular quote comes at the end of the movie, when Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and her boss Edward Grey (James Spader) finally accept their special brand of BDSM love.  Lee, who used to self-harm, has recently stopped because of her healing dynamic with Grey.  In this scene, Grey undresses Lee for the first time.  It is Lee who tells the story here:

"Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time.  I told him what the first one was, told him where the second one came from.  I remembered them all.  And for the first time in my life I felt beautiful.  Finally part of the earth.  I touched the soil and he loved me back."  From Secretary (Writers Erin Cressida Wilson and Mary Gaitskill).

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The Hot Topic, vol. 5: Henry Miller and the Bookshelves of Doom

Folks, I have a new Hot Topic up at the Nervous Breakdown.  Bring on the sex books, baby.

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A Transformational Threesome

I am excited to announce two new releases from Xcite Books.  The Untouchable Tabby, my story of a transformational threesome, now appears in both Threesome and One More Night.  Many thanks to Miranda Forbes and everyone at Xcite.

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Rachel Kramer Bussel on Being Alone

Photo: Anya Garrett

Have you ever been in love with someone, only to find they weren't into you at all?  Have you ever felt a need to find yourself, but were frightened of being sexually lonely?  In her column at Sexis this week, Rachel Kramer Bussel writes about being resolutely single for a while.  It's a beautiful, open, thoughtful essay.  If you've recently felt rejected, it's particularly poignant.  Do take a look.


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Solemating

I'm currently reading Solemate as research for an article about solo sex.  I've only just started the intro, but because I'm reading it with a very specific slant, I find the general comments particularly thought-provoking.  Imagine if every one of us looked at our erotic lives this way, knowing that our ideal lover resides not outside of us, but within.  Bearing that notion of solo sex in mind, Lauren Mackler's thoughtful introduction takes on a new layer of meaning:

Mackler writes about the process by which we learn to find our individual meaning and purpose without relying on another human being:

"...This process requires a commitment.  It involves creating an ideal relationship with yourself.  To be fully committed to this process, you have to feel deserving of it and you have to love yourself.  After all, you're not going to feel compelled to invest your time and energy in somebody you don't like very much.  That's a central theme of this book: providing the guidance you need to build a healthy, constructive, and loving relationship with yourself."

Mackler also writes about the need for a strategy when we're trying to master aloneness: a "step-by-step action plan that meets your individual needs [that] includes a series of exercises that will help you understand who you are..."  I will be interested to see whether any of these exercises involve looking into erotic identity, individuality and desire.  Regardless, here's an exercise of mine for tuning into the erotic self:

For this, you will need either:

A wonderful, scented massage candle, such as this (these are made of soy so when you light them, they melt into a warm, seductive wax that can be applied to the skin.  Holy cow, it's gorgeous!).

or:

Some massage oil/scented body lotion, plus candlelight.

and:

Music, cushions, textiles...whatever blisses you out.

Lying naked (or partially naked) on your bed, relax every muscle and limb, starting at your feet and working up, body part at a time.  Notice what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, thinking, feeling.  Picture any invasive thoughts as clouds floating past in front of your eyelids.  When you feel ready, begin to rub the warm soy or lotion onto your body, varying your pressure between gentle caresses and a firmer massage.  This is not an exercise intended to turn you on, though if it does, all the better!  As you massage different parts of yourself, including those you might never have thought of (earlobes?  Palms?  Elbows?  Ankles?) notice your sensations.  You may find erogenous zones you were already aware of, and perhaps, as you relax, you'll find new places you like to be touched.  It may be that no one has ever touched you a way that awakened every erogenous zone (and that isn't a criticism of him/her/them, but rather a fact of life).  Now, you are discovering or enjoying your own sensations and basking in the beauty of your every fibre.  This is part of you.  Take pleasure in it.

Afterwards you can either sleep (blow out the candle first!), make love to yourself, or journal about your experiences.  Whatever you so choose.

Enjoy.  You're worth it.

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The Naked Truth, No. 3

Ducky Doolittle

I first heard Ducky Doolittle when she was interviewed on In Bed with Susie Bright about her clown burlesque, among other things.  I was instantly hooked.  Ducky is fun and sensitive, intelligent and attuned.  Here's what she had to say on Sex is Fun:

“. . . the earth is a heavy place to live, and it’s a heavy place to be, people are coming back from a horrible war, with really bad injuries, and people are surviving sexual assaults and domestic violence and misinformation . . . how we survive things is to tune out, to put the tv on, to eat too much food, to sit at the computer for 15 hours a day. And to have good sex you need to tune in to your body and be present with your body, that’s one of the reasons I love sex toys, you know, you put a vibrator against a woman’s clitoris and you are here, GOOD MORNING, WAKE UP. So, I do a lot of work to say ‘why don’t you turn the tv off and have a real conversation and touch?’”  Ducky Doolittle on Sex is Fun (via Sexstl - thank you, guys).

Well, a dear friend and I went to the Good Vibrations store in Brookline today and purchased silly amounts of sex toys.  It was a hoot and a pleasure and a downright joy.  Good Vibes and Ducky...we love you (but we love your vibrators more).

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There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't write about a love affair with a sex toy in my upcoming online Romance Writing course at the Basement!  Who wouldn't want to write an ode to a magic bullet, hmm?


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