When I told him I was flattered but unavailable, he said, "Would anyone else have to find out?"
Mate, a no's a no.
That one's a contrast to the best line I ever received, which I'm still not convinced was delivered with a proposition in mind. A man at the gym told me I looked triumphant while I was running. I was sweaty at the time and carrying the water-spray cleaner. I was so embarrassed I could only grin like a loon.
Chat-up lines aren't just about what we want to hear, they're the first glimpse we get of a potential lover's personality. Anyone who tells us within the first breath that they look good isn't necessarily rocking our boats, even if they drench the line with flattery. But maybe for some this would be an utter turn-on. And maybe that affair would be a perfect match.
Truth is, chat-up lines are all about getting intimate, and one of the turn-offs about the "I look good" line above is that it's obviously been used on hundreds of people. A cursory little survey of a few couples I know revealed that most of them didn't really feed one another a line -- they were usually introduced by friends and the chatting up process was complicated. "I didn't even realise he was interested in me until he asked me out for a drink," seems to be a common motif. That's a good way of avoiding the pub and club jungle, I'm guessing; scouting for a night of fun isn't necessarily as carefree as it sounds. No wonder the lines get base. I still maintain the personal touch works better -- and I'm guessing that comes from being yourself.
A friend of mine who gets cracked onto daily (most men think she's drop dead gorgeous) is actively put off by chat-up lines. "If it's obvious," she tells me, "I'm not into it at all. I think, 'All the guy wants is my body.'" And this, of course, speaks to her purpose. For some, the pull is all about enjoying each other's flesh and there ain't nothing wrong with that as long as we're clear; whereas, at other times, folks may want to be attractive in a brain-way too. My friend no longer wishes to be told she looks hot. She knows she's hot to many, and she's open about that. She wants someone to lust after what's within, and that's a different bar.
When surfing for chat-up line discussions, I discovered certain sites that gave advice on the topic. It seems some "sexperts" say that once the chat-up line's got you an in, you've got to stick to "safe topics." Well, when studying Psychology I learnt one thing for sure: All of us are different down to the bone, and even the processes you'd have thought made us the same - motor-functions, memory, perception - can occur very differently depending on your experiences and make-up. My thoughts? Be yourself. Trust your instincts. If you're the kind of person who cracks non-PC jokes, why not give it a stab? Great way to discover if you've got chemistry or not.
Don't get me wrong. I've been turned down myself, and bigtime. This honestly is a string of thoughts from someone who doesn't know much. I'm not a sexpert and I don't claim to be one -- visit Susie Bright or Violet Blue if you want some tried-and-tested advice. The good news is, I've often heard Susie saying that what most people want from a lover is someone who's hot for them, and willing to give it a go. My opinion? Being yourself is a great way to live and, in my experience, that's part of the battle. Believe me, if I'd been myself earlier and with more gusto, my life would have been very different.
Late learners are sexy though, don't you think?