Seriously though, this is all about fear.
The vagina, or whatever you want to call it, is a beautiful thing. Here's my take. If your lover can't like your sex just the way it is, change the lover, not the vagina. As Susie so brilliantly puts it, pornography is the first to demonstrate variety. Pictures of the female sex, which are meant for arousal, are often displayed in an array. All those models don't have the same genitals. They're variously enticing and appeal in different ways. If there's only one sort of sexy sex, why show the others?
But listen to Susie's podcast. She says it better than I do.
For a part of the body we expose the least, our sex can be tremendously defining. When we're sexually frustrated, the feelings can run deeply, affecting our moods, even our personalities. Outspoken writers such as Stephen Elliott, explore how sexuality can affect our whole lives:
"If you are a sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain, then you need to find someone who craves pain instead of taking it out on those who don't. And if you are a submissive, you need to find someone who enjoys controlling you rather than manipulating your lovers into a pattern of abuse." From Stephen Elliott's essay, "BDSM" in Dirty Words, ed. by Ellen Sussman.
What turns us on or off can affect us in powerful ways. Do you crave tenderness? Do you crave pain? Or do you crave a mix? Or do you crave neither? What happens when you feel released and liberated? What happens when you find someone who understands your mind and body? Do you want to have sex? Maybe you don't? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves, not whether or not our sex looks right to a surgeon.
I think it's time I started talking about this - not solely through story (which I might add is vital to me) but also as directly as I can. As long as we are responsible, we're entitled to express ourselves sexually. And whether or not we're having sex isn't the point. All of us are sexual beings. Every single one. It's part of us. Let's accept that.
